Confessions of Sexpo Melbourne 2017

Sexpo The Truth

After every Sexpo I have written a confessions blog, this is not meant to shock but rather to normalise the subject of sex.  After all ignorance is definitely not bliss and knowledge certainly is power, something that I personally have had to acknowledge this year.

The first confession of Melbourne 2017 Sexpo was one of my own to my children.  They had seen the build up to this amazing event, the flyers, the marketing and had started to ask questions and so I needed to be open and honest with them.  I explained that Sexpo is an exhibition surrounding the education of intimacy, relationships and our bodies.  I also explained that although I go to sell my book, for the most part I am talking and reassuring people that they are ‘normal’ whatever that is!  I told them both that their bodies and every function that their bodies perform emotionally and physically is natural an wonderful. I lastly explained that I want them to love and understand themselves because we all have to start there.

When I meet the wonderful patrons of Sexpo and we chat about our experiences, I have only ever been shocked about the amount of shame that we all carry around with us. I don’t want my children to feel shame, it’s such a useless waste of time almost as ridiculous as worry.

The first at my stand was Sam a wonderful Italian who although has lived in Aus for a very long time still had the nuances of a European.  He openly shared his experiences as a single man and his continued safety around women and couples that wanted to experiment with him. He was a joy, full of boyish charm and excitement at being so free to demonstrate his curiosity.

A wonderful Mexican guy came to talk to me with the most beautiful accent and looks similar to that of Rafael Nadal he explained how the girls he knew back home could never wear a skirt or dress in public as they would be harassed and maybe even assaulted. ‘It’s very safe here in Aus’ he said.

A man with Tourette’s syndrome was the next to chat, he was interested in the psychological stance I had used in Sharks & Lovers to discover different sides of me and similarly the characters.  He recommended some more pysch books for me to read which was awesome, I’m always looking for more inspiration.

The next guy resembled a character I always come across; his wife had recently died and ‘she was very proper’.  He explained that he wasn’t very experienced and he bought my book in hope of some insights into another life. I do hope it delivers and I look forward to his response.

I can’t write this without mentioning the wonderful woman from my previous blog who came to me with such a warm smile.  She bought her first vibrators this weekend after my encouragement!  Having lost her husband a few years previously and before that having suffered an assault she withdrew from intimacy. We talked for a long time about control and abuse but mainly our shared philosophy that we are all in charge of our own happiness, by the end we embraced having shared our stories so honestly and openly.

These are the moments you just cannot replicate outside of Sexpo.

A great girl came up and grabbed Sharks & Lovers and gave it to her sister, ‘You’re reading this!’ she said.  Her sister was off to London for Christmas and I’m sure she will enjoy some of the places that I explain in the book and hopefully she will get to visit them too!

The exhibitors were a delight as always and the wonderful Pricasso painted my portrait in exchange for my book, promising me we will start his memoir next year, I will keep him to that!

I can’t list everyone I talk to but I do know that all the conversations at Sexpo are creating intimate and inspiring connections.

So until Sydney mid ’18 or maybe closer depending on dates for the U.K and U.S, it will be an exciting year that’s for definite!

Stay tooned folks!!!

Xx

Sexual Liberation

This beautiful woman having suffered an awful sexual assault and then depriving her husband of sex because of her trauma has just bought two vibrators in a bid to learn to love herself.

‘Vibrators are too expensive!’ She said

‘$10’ I said

‘What if I die and my children find it?’

‘They will think ‘good on you mum!’

Ten minutes later she came back with the bag, ‘I got two!’

There is nothing wrong with self love, in fact that is where it needs to start!

I love empowering women.

Unnecessary Humiliation 


Whilst revisiting Jung’s book Dreams, Memories, Reflections on holiday by the Murray River I stumbled across his remark of ‘unnecessary humiliation’ as Jung explored his anima and listened to a new voice. 

‘It is perfectly true that I have thought or felt this way at some time or other, but I don’t have to think or feel that way now. I need not accept this banality of mine in perpetuity; that is an unnecessary humiliation’

Reading this passage made me realise how many times I have unnecessary humiliated myself in my head. How many times do we revisit an experience with old emotions and not the new self that have grown to become? 

Jung has always been my hero because he documented his open heart and soul as well as his psyche and encourages us to do the same. You might not agree with some of his theories and philosophies but surely his open and honest attitude to life bares no greater guidance. 

Brisbane Sexpo Confessions

A beautiful sunny Brisbane meant that Sexpo was Hot!….Living in Melbourne I had mainly taken completely the wrong kind of clothing, winter dresses just don’t work in 25 degrees.

However as usual my writing comes after the fact and so as I reflect on my wonderful weekend in August at Sexpo I wanted to share some stories.

My eyes wide open this time and not on stalks I listened to the tales of swingers who  just wanted to try something new, in my experience a lot of these couples have been in a relationship together for a long time and want to spice things up a bit. What’s wrong with that? I’m always asked if I have tried it and my reply is like many questions I’m asked at Sexpo…’not yet!’

Then there are the older men whose sex drive is still high but are widowed, divorced or single through choice. These beautiful curious creatures suffer from the age old complaint of loneliness and are not looking for love but just a companion. ‘I’ve even tried a bloke for the first time’ said one guy to me ‘it’s not bad you know, I’d do it again!’ As I listened I knew I was the first person he’d told this to and I felt privileged to hear of his bravery to experience the new, the different, to change his perspective later on in life when so many have already written their rigid path full of rules and regulations.

I found once again that it is the Sexpo consumers who are the preachers and teachers, the inspiration and us humble stall holders are merely the listeners, protectors of secrets and hand holders of a new way of life for many. 

It Must Be Hard For The Kids…

Divorce

Well yeah explaining to your kids that Mummy and Daddy are not going to be living together anymore is difficult and there are tears but what I hadn’t banked on was the happiness that would follow. The children look forward to seeing their Dad and equally look forward to seeing Mum. 

Sharing the childcare occasionally works and occasionally is confusing.  Sometimes at the weekend when the kids return you don’t know if you are coming or going, this is a new life for us all a ‘split life’.  For two weekends in four I feel single again which takes the weight of responsibility from my shoulders, I’m still finding out who that girl is.  Then returning to the role of Mum envelopes me into a place of unconditional love where even when I get it wrong (everyday, especially the cooking!) my children laugh and encourage me as I do to them. Is this possibly the best of both worlds? I feel very selfish to say that yes it probably is!

There is the gloom of the D word that hangs around like a bad smell sometimes, mainly when I’m alone. The what if’s and if only’s but in my heart I know I have set my children free from trying to live up to two peoples very different views, standards, ethics and values under the same roof.  The very reason I tried to stay married has now been the greatest gift of seperation, my children’s happiness.

Mummy and Daddy are HAPPY!  This is new, it shouldn’t be but it is and guess what it makes the children happy too.  We all have good days and bad days but I can honestly say that my kids are happier now that we are too, surely that’s what us parents all strive for!

 

Sexpo Exchange that Matters

Liberating Exchanges

Within the intimate walls of a Sexpo Exhibition nothing is controversial and exchange matters, eyes are not down looking at phones they are wide open watching and searching.  The exchange of energy between people not sex but friendship, a common interest and an attainable goal is apparent; happiness.  Obviously sex is the subject we hear from sound but it is expelled from the lips of liberation.

‘There’s nothing wrong with self-love!’

Unconsciously Conscious

Triggers or Tripped

Fascinated by Jung’s theory of the collective unconscious or autonomous psyche I ponder (generally whilst staring into the fire) are there triggers in our life for the autonomous psyche to kick in? Is the collective unconscious the reason for what some people perceive as irrational behavior? However surely it is the most rational if it is predetermined?

Now there are so many choices about which direction to move in that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t just ahead it surrounds us in a plethora of colours and angles which road do you take? The road less traveled is really the road traveled time and time again by the feet of ancestors.

‘It is the matrix of all conscious psychic occurrences, and hence it exerts an influence that compromises the freedom of consciousness in the highest degree, since it is continually striving to lead all conscious processes back into the old paths.’

Jung – “The Significance of Constitution and Heredity in Psychology” (November 1929).

Really there is no choice to make your collective unconscious will tell you the path to take. That’s if you can take the time to switch off from the conscious.

Sexpo Rated PowerPoint 

Sexual ‘Liberation’ being the topic of my talk and brand I thought it interesting that I will need a disclaimer for my PowerPoint presentation. I cannot wait to get to Brisbane and explore my truth and freedom. I was thinking about all of this and then stumbled across a book my husband bought me for Christmas. 

‘Twenty years from now you will be more dissappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover.’

Mark Twain

Thank You

Sharks & Lovers -Download Book Two For Free 

Free Download of Sharks & Lovers

For One Week Only Download Sharks & Lovers Australia For Free Here

In a few weeks I will be heading to Brisbane to talk and promote my books at Sexpo 2017. I’m so excited!  In celebration of this I wanted to share Sharks & Lovers Australia on my site for free!

Set in the beautiful Bayside suburb of Melbourne and the remote Kakadu National Park  adventures of the heart for Tabatha and Stacey hit the red dust.

Feel free to download it in the above link and share it with your friends and lovers. Enjoy!

Men, Love & Sexual Liberation 

What a privilege it is to have these amazing men read my book and also how profound. Five men started my journey into words when I thought I had lost my power and decided to delve deeper into my psyche and sexuality.  I soon regained my sense of self and began my journey of Sexual Liberation.  I feel so free and empowered and this photo feels as though these extraordinary men have lifted me up on their shoulders. Thanks Boys all of you xxx