Inside Out

Like a lot of preconceptions, prison was completely different in reality. There were no steel bars and the view was beautiful from the manicured gardens.

The most visible differences from the world on the outside was the fact that these men all looked at their physical peak. Their exteriors were so well turned out.

Many of the men had girlfriends visiting but where were their dads, brothers and mates?  Is that the reason these men are here inside, there are no male role models for them? It seemed that could be the case.

Apparently the majority of prisoners do not even get visits so perhaps the gender of the visitor is in fact irrelevant, just knowing that someone cares should be enough? We all need a hand to hold no matter how strong we appear to be on the outside.

The correction centre had the disciplinary air of a school and yet these were grown men. You knew who was in charge and you certainly didn’t want to step out of line. There was also the obvious hierarchy amongst the prisoners which kept fear alive and eyes twitching.

For some this is just ‘fattening up for the next run’. There is no other way of life, no one to help them, no one that has penetrated their mental walls, nobody that has shown connection whilst they are on the inside.

What struck me most and I guess what we observe in everyday life is how lonely prison must be. But then so many of us choose to be lonely even when we are on the outside.

What I experienced was a tiny example of this walled society. A taste of the outside in or inside out!

Polyamory

Disney has a lot to answer for in strengthening monogamous relationship ideals. Oh sure I’m lucky enough to have had a few princes that have swept me off my feet but now that I’m holding the reigns I’ve realised I do and have always seen relationships from rose tinted Disney glasses. Polyamory if I had ever thought of the word would mean infidelity and infidelity would generally be a man having an affair. How Unfair some of life’s old beliefs appear after a year at Sexpo!

I’ve always known what polygamy was but polyamory seems like a new and perhaps a more inclusive way to have more than one partner, i.e we’re not just talking about a man having more than one wife!

It’s certainly no new thing and I hate to wobble your halo but most of us have probably been a part of a polyamorous relationship even if we weren’t aware at the time! Many of us have loved more than one person at the same time and that by definition is polyamory. It actually isn’t about a hierarchy of love but simply loving more than one. You can also be single and polyamorous which perhaps is a more socially accepted norm.

Because of the new dating generation being so much more accessible by the click of a button or should I say swipe of a finger! Choice and abundance is open to all not just the gutsy guy who has the balls to ask for the first dance. Will my children enter into monogamous relationships? Should I even actually promote them as ‘normal’?

Do women inherently want to ‘settle down’ and become Cinderella? Or are the next generation more likely to be Snow White enjoying her seven dwarfs!

For a lot of polyamorous people the lifestyle is about independence, could this be the end to the rescuer, to the knight in shining white armour? My heart through those rose tinted glasses shouts ‘Noooooooo!’

My head heaves a sigh of relief ‘Phew!’ I can ride my own bloody horse, thank you very much!

A Weekend with Australia’s Hottest Pornstar

I had the pleasure of spending last weekend with Madison Missina, we created a writing retreat at my house and with the rain pouring down outside she told her story, writing 54,000 words in just three days! We were both amazed at how easily it flowed. It was fantastic to spend time with this wonderful woman, to relax in each other’s company, to spill our fears and our fantasies.

When I first met Madison Missina it was November 2016, she was walking through Sexpo as the tour guide dressed like a mini Snow White (above) or that was my impression. (I believe the costume in question is actually something completely different I’ll have to ask her) But hey as a writer surely it’s all about perception? There was no denying her Beauty and charisma as she laughed, joked and informed the public about what Sexpo is all about.

Something pulls you in with Maddy and it’s not just her beauty, there is something in that soft questioning voice that makes you listen a little harder.

A lot of people don’t realise that Maddy is a qualified counsellor and her quest to unravel the human psyche was obvious as over the weekend she revealed the colourful knitted and knotted tapestry that is her life. Talking freely about the pain she has suffered, turning blame into lessons and lessons into laughter, her smile illuminated some of the darkest places imaginable.

On the last day her frown appeared and then the tears and yet the questioning voice still remained. Even more charismatic minus the makeup with not an ounce of vanity in sight Maddy was so willing to take up the challenge of vulnerability without having to prove a thing.

Even through the adversity Maddy remains able to question motive and mind with an honest smile, an admirable quality. I don’t think I will ever forget that weekend I fell in love with writing all over again and I just know there are many more projects for us to collaborate on Thanks MM!

And so now to the editing…

Confessions of Sexpo Melbourne 2017

Sexpo The Truth

After every Sexpo I have written a confessions blog, this is not meant to shock but rather to normalise the subject of sex.  After all ignorance is definitely not bliss and knowledge is power, something that I have personally had to realise this year!

The first confession of Melbourne 2017 Sexpo was one of my own, to my children.  They had seen the build up to this amazing event, the flyers, the marketing and had started to ask questions, so I needed to be open and honest with them.  I explained that Sexpo is an exhibition surrounding the education of intimacy, relationships and our bodies.  I also explained that although I go to sell my book, for the most part I am talking and reassuring people that they are ‘normal’ whatever that is!  I told them both that their bodies and every function that they perform emotionally and physically is natural and wonderful. When I meet the wonderful patrons of Sexpo and we chat about our experiences, I have only ever been shocked about the amount of shame that we all carry around with us. I don’t want my children to feel shame, it’s such a useless waste of time almost as ridiculous as worry.

The first at my stand was Sam a wonderful Italian who although has lived in Aus for a very long time still had the nuances of a European.  He openly shared his experiences as a single man and his continued safety around women and couples that wanted to experiment with him. He was a joy, full of boyish charm and excitement at being so free to demonstrate his curiosity.

A wonderful Mexican guy came to talk to me with the most beautiful accent and looks similar to that of Rafael Nadal he explained how the girls he knew back home could never wear a skirt or dress in public as they would be harassed and maybe even assaulted. ‘It’s very safe here in Aus’ he said.

A man with Tourette’s syndrome was the next to chat, he was interested in the psychological stance I had used in Sharks & Lovers to discover different sides of me and similarly the characters.  He recommended some more pysch books for me to read which was awesome, I’m always looking for more inspiration.

The next guy resembled a character I always come across; his wife had recently died and ‘she was very proper’.  He explained that he wasn’t very experienced and he bought my book in hope of some insights into another life. I do hope it delivers and I look forward to his response.

I can’t write this without mentioning the wonderful woman from my previous blog who came to me with such a warm smile.  She bought her first vibrators this weekend after my encouragement!  Having lost her husband a few years previously and before that having suffered an assault she withdrew from intimacy. We talked for a long time about control and abuse but mainly our shared philosophy that we are all in charge of our own happiness, by the end we embraced having shared our stories so honestly and openly.

These are the moments you just cannot replicate outside of Sexpo.

A great girl came up and grabbed Sharks & Lovers and gave it to her sister, ‘You’re reading this!’ she said.  Her sister was off to London for Christmas and I’m sure she will enjoy some of the places that I explain in the book and hopefully she will get to visit them too!

The exhibitors were a delight as always and the wonderful Pricasso painted my portrait in exchange for my book, promising me we will start his memoir next year, I will keep him to that!

I can’t list everyone I talk to but I do know that all the conversations at Sexpo are creating intimate and inspiring connections.

So until Sydney mid ’18 or maybe closer depending on dates for the U.K and U.S, it will be an exciting year that’s for definite!

Stay tooned folks!!!

Xx

Unnecessary Humiliation 


Whilst revisiting Jung’s book Dreams, Memories, Reflections on holiday by the Murray River I stumbled across his remark of ‘unnecessary humiliation’ as Jung explored his anima and listened to a new voice. 

‘It is perfectly true that I have thought or felt this way at some time or other, but I don’t have to think or feel that way now. I need not accept this banality of mine in perpetuity; that is an unnecessary humiliation’

Reading this passage made me realise how many times I have unnecessary humiliated myself in my head. How many times do we revisit an experience with old emotions and not the new self that have grown to become? 

Jung has always been my hero because he documented his open heart and soul as well as his psyche and encourages us to do the same. You might not agree with some of his theories and philosophies but surely his open and honest attitude to life bares no greater guidance. 

Unconsciously Conscious

Triggers or Tripped

Fascinated by Jung’s theory of the collective unconscious or autonomous psyche I ponder (generally whilst staring into the fire) are there triggers in our life for the autonomous psyche to kick in? Is the collective unconscious the reason for what some people perceive as irrational behavior? However surely it is the most rational if it is predetermined?

Now there are so many choices about which direction to move in that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t just ahead it surrounds us in a plethora of colours and angles which road do you take? The road less traveled is really the road traveled time and time again by the feet of ancestors.

‘It is the matrix of all conscious psychic occurrences, and hence it exerts an influence that compromises the freedom of consciousness in the highest degree, since it is continually striving to lead all conscious processes back into the old paths.’

Jung – “The Significance of Constitution and Heredity in Psychology” (November 1929).

Really there is no choice to make your collective unconscious will tell you the path to take. That’s if you can take the time to switch off from the conscious.

Sexpo Rated PowerPoint 

Sexual ‘Liberation’ being the topic of my talk and brand I thought it interesting that I will need a disclaimer for my PowerPoint presentation. I cannot wait to get to Brisbane and explore my truth and freedom. I was thinking about all of this and then stumbled across a book my husband bought me for Christmas. 

‘Twenty years from now you will be more dissappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover.’

Mark Twain

Thank You

Men, Love & Sexual Liberation 

What a privilege it is to have these amazing men read my book and also how profound. Five men started my journey into words when I thought I had lost my power and decided to delve deeper into my psyche and sexuality.  I soon regained my sense of self and began my journey of Sexual Liberation.  I feel so free and empowered and this photo feels as though these extraordinary men have lifted me up on their shoulders. Thanks Boys all of you xxx

Indie Author, Independent World

 

First Draft

Now I really feel like an Independent Author! No longer am I reliant on Amazon or other sites to sell my book, I’ve taken the plunge into my own eCommerce. Taking control of my life by writing my book was the first step and everyday I walk closer to true Independence.

Independent Passion

I managed to upgrade my site and so far so good! I am getting orders and lovely reviews from customers that I met at Sexpo Perth.  Juggling my new role as ‘Single Mum’ and my passion for writing is a new and interesting challenge, I want my kids to know that I love what I do and that happiness is the wealth that keeps you going.

Independent Review

‘Thank you so much for writing this book, I’d love to get my hands on the second one, I love reading erotic fiction.  I read by sign language to my two deaf friends who are married. I would like to read all of your books, I do hope book two is available to buy in paperback soon’

Wow! I was so happy with this review , it’s that simple email that keeps you going when you wonder if really you should just go and work on the checkout!

To see more reviews please go to my new Write to Reply Review Page