writing

BEAUTIFUL TRAUMA -Waiting for the Curtain to Fall

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What a bloody awesome title for a tour! Is trauma what inspires all creatives?

When my little girl chose PINK last term as her hero to write a school project about I was blown away with pride that she had chosen someone who follows her own rules, not societies and is such a strong, powerful woman. So even though pennies were tight as single mum, status was in full swing I swallowed the overdraft and bought tickets for her birthday.

We started to research PINK together, I had grown up with her songs and watched her be the antipiode of Britney Spears and Christine Aguellera.  This girl wasn’t prouncing around in school uniforms, it was clear her music was more important than her media. Also what became quite apparent was that it was the break up of her parents that inspired her to start writing, quite apt! Her words were what inspired me to stop and listen and (even though apparently I get most of them wrong, according to my beautiful little girl) it would seem that is what inspires her too.

We took the train into town and walked to Rod Laver Arena from Richmond, a nice stroll as dusk set in and we waited for the doors to open …. and then another hour for the inside doors to open, anticipation building!

I have always wanted seats near the stage at a concert and so when I saw they were available online I couldn’t believe it! I wanted so much for this to be the best experience for my daughter.  However, when we sat down the stage was completely obscured by a hanging curtain.  Immediately dread took over both of us, we wouldn’t be able to see anything. I tried to placate the situation by explaining PINK does alot of acrobatics and wouldn’t just be standing on the stage singing. However everyone in our seating section was having similar gloomy conversations. Then the supporting artist came on and our suspicions were confirmed we couldn’t see a thing! Even the tv screen was positioned directly above our heads and so didn’t help.

My heart sank as her smile turned to a frown after all the ups and downs of the last eighteen months I just wanted one perfect night with my little girl and I couldn’t even get that right!

Frustration turned to determination and I realised that we could see behind the curtain back stage and I told my baby I thought I could see Pink. Then we saw her with her little girl, huge ear defenders on, this lifted our spirits. We could see all the dancers stretching in their lycra and Pink giving her daughter the biggest hug.

Then the huge curtain dropped and we were ten feet away from this awesome woman belting her songs out, her heart out! My little girl beamed with joy and I simply wiped the tears away.

Confessions of Sexpo Melbourne 2017

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Sexpo The Truth

After every Sexpo I have written a confessions blog, this is not meant to shock but rather to normalise the subject of sex.  After all ignorance is definitely not bliss and knowledge is power, something that I have personally had to realise this year!

The first confession of Melbourne 2017 Sexpo was one of my own, to my children.  They had seen the build up to this amazing event, the flyers, the marketing and had started to ask questions, so I needed to be open and honest with them.  I explained that Sexpo is an exhibition surrounding the education of intimacy, relationships and our bodies.  I also explained that although I go to sell my book, for the most part I am talking and reassuring people that they are ‘normal’ whatever that is!  I told them both that their bodies and every function that they perform emotionally and physically is natural and wonderful. When I meet the wonderful patrons of Sexpo and we chat about our experiences, I have only ever been shocked about the amount of shame that we all carry around with us. I don’t want my children to feel shame, it’s such a useless waste of time almost as ridiculous as worry.

The first at my stand was Sam a wonderful Italian who although has lived in Aus for a very long time still had the nuances of a European.  He openly shared his experiences as a single man and his continued safety around women and couples that wanted to experiment with him. He was a joy, full of boyish charm and excitement at being so free to demonstrate his curiosity.

A wonderful Mexican guy came to talk to me with the most beautiful accent and looks similar to that of Rafael Nadal he explained how the girls he knew back home could never wear a skirt or dress in public as they would be harassed and maybe even assaulted. ‘It’s very safe here in Aus’ he said.

A man with Tourette’s syndrome was the next to chat, he was interested in the psychological stance I had used in Sharks & Lovers to discover different sides of me and similarly the characters.  He recommended some more pysch books for me to read which was awesome, I’m always looking for more inspiration.

The next guy resembled a character I always come across; his wife had recently died and ‘she was very proper’.  He explained that he wasn’t very experienced and he bought my book in hope of some insights into another life. I do hope it delivers and I look forward to his response.

I can’t write this without mentioning the wonderful woman from my previous blog who came to me with such a warm smile.  She bought her first vibrators this weekend after my encouragement!  Having lost her husband a few years previously and before that having suffered an assault she withdrew from intimacy. We talked for a long time about control and abuse but mainly our shared philosophy that we are all in charge of our own happiness, by the end we embraced having shared our stories so honestly and openly.

These are the moments you just cannot replicate outside of Sexpo.

A great girl came up and grabbed Sharks & Lovers and gave it to her sister, ‘You’re reading this!’ she said.  Her sister was off to London for Christmas and I’m sure she will enjoy some of the places that I explain in the book and hopefully she will get to visit them too!

The exhibitors were a delight as always and the wonderful Pricasso painted my portrait in exchange for my book, promising me we will start his memoir next year, I will keep him to that!

I can’t list everyone I talk to but I do know that all the conversations at Sexpo are creating intimate and inspiring connections.

So until Sydney mid ’18 or maybe closer depending on dates for the U.K and U.S, it will be an exciting year that’s for definite!

Stay tooned folks!!!

Xx

Indie Author, Independent World

/ frankiebanks27@gmail.com

 

First Draft

Now I really feel like an Independent Author! No longer am I reliant on Amazon or other sites to sell my book, I’ve taken the plunge into my own eCommerce. Taking control of my life by writing my book was the first step and everyday I walk closer to true Independence.

Independent Passion

I managed to upgrade my site and so far so good! I am getting orders and lovely reviews from customers that I met at Sexpo Perth.  Juggling my new role as ‘Single Mum’ and my passion for writing is a new and interesting challenge, I want my kids to know that I love what I do and that happiness is the wealth that keeps you going.

Independent Review

‘Thank you so much for writing this book, I’d love to get my hands on the second one, I love reading erotic fiction.  I read by sign language to my two deaf friends who are married. I would like to read all of your books, I do hope book two is available to buy in paperback soon’

Wow! I was so happy with this review , it’s that simple email that keeps you going when you wonder if really you should just go and work on the checkout!

To see more reviews please go to my new Write to Reply Review Page

Confessions of Sexpo

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These nameless confessions from Sexpo I hope will inspire, confront and comfort. We all have a story to tell and I had the amazing privilege of listening to these beautiful people.

1. The Poet

He came in as soon as the doors opened on day one with eyes searching.

‘I used to write poetry’ he said with excitement in his voice but then he turned away and looked down.

‘But my muse left me’

Continue reading →

Red Rock

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Wandering down to the quarry yesterday, the jagged red cliffs and beautifully still water would echo the ebb and flow of the day ahead!

The light fragmented on the cold hard rock face, whilst cockatoo’s glided peacefully out of green woolly crevices, boasting loudly of their higher perspective and freedom from the earth.

Continue reading →

Crazy Bitch

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Sorry if I offend you but I have a little story to tell about this CB.

‘You have never met a Crazy Bitch like this before have you?’

This was the beginning of the new me, I had tried to be the dutiful wife and the Mary Poppins mother. All us mums had husbands that were disconnected and working away. Everyone else however seemed to hold it together so well and those that didn’t were talked about; 

‘I don’t know how she copes!’ Simply implying she isn’t. 

‘Oh it’s a hard time for them at the moment’ whilst plastered grins on the speakers faces hide a multitude of depression, infidelity and unhappiness.

My Mary Poppins costume just didn’t fit, I was popping out all over the place! I spent years trying to tuck myself back in until I realised my mortality, what a smack in the face that was! 

All of a sudden the flabby bits didn’t matter, it was my hard heart I needed to listen to. I had to stop pleasing, I had to stop pretending and most importantly I needed to look myself in the eye.

That’s when the truth turned up and the Crazy Bitch returned in full flow. I had to be me and accept that not everyone would like it, some people would find it scary…I still don’t know what to do with them! But most people are accepting of my new happiness.

The biggest compliment was from my big bro this week, he checks in with me and sometimes gives me a verbal slap. We take it in turns to be the adult. ‘I’ve seen other people grow into the person they should be’ he said. Wow that was nice. He also implied it’s hard for the people around them, I accept that.

When I spoke to one of my friends recently about the fragility of my marriage her response was ‘You’re very brave only one out of ten marriages I know are happy and they accept it, they don’t question it’. I don’t know who is right but I want to be happy, not right or wrong!

I have to be me, are you being you?

Honestly?

The Un Couple

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My hubby and I have been through the mill these last few years, emigration, five house moves, working away, illness and redundancy. Basically we’ve experienced life and sometimes it pulls you together and sometimes it pushes you apart. We love each other sure but in love, no. Friends absolutely, lovers no.

It’s a harsh reality that we had to discuss. We are not connected and the more I write and get back to myself the further away we seem to drift.  I found happiness in my writing and discovering myself. ‘You have changed so much’ he said. I have he is right and I love this new me but it’s not compatible to him any more, we both seem to accept that.

Not wanting to unsettle our two beautiful children nothing has drastically changed in our set up other than awareness and willingness to talk.

‘It seems everyone has been through this, is going through this or is divorced’ he said after talking to a few of his friends.  He seemed surprised to find that there are not many happy marriages around. Everyone is struggling in one way or another, even if it is unsaid.

‘Men just don’t talk about their marriages’ he said. 

Where we are right now reminds me so much of my first miscarriage. A sadness that we shared together.  My body and mind seemed so disconnected from the world. It was out of my control and yet I was losing a part of me. All of a sudden the women around me shared their truth and experiences of miscarriage and I realised I wasn’t alone. It didn’t change the awful guilt or indescribable confusion about why this would happen but it helped with the isolation I had felt. I know my husbands friends were also willing to share their experiences too and it helped.

As we travel down this new road of ‘uncoupling’ I hope isolation isn’t a destination or even a pit stop. I hope we are not ‘damned’ for our new way of life.

I want to be happy and for those around me to be happy too, it’s that simple. Even when simple seems like a distant dream.