love

Self Belief

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Self Belief

Are you a Man or An Ape

A true princess or a fake

Do you evolve past others whispers

Or cling to their conditions

Look on in competition

Or help those to reposition

Do you reach out to attain

Or slump and remain

Evolution is not just a wonder

Don’t stop too long to ponder

Be open and see in plain sight

Gold buried within a heart

Once stuck, with no flight.

Hold others, with your strength up high

You, yourself then will fly

So get on, get up and fight

Forget that worthless, draining plight

Now is the time to shine your light

That has always been so bright!

Love to you all! Frankie xxx

Darwin Flight

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I’m not sure what happens at 30,000ft perhaps the air is clearer, the gravitational pull of earth just that little lighter or maybe it’s because I’m completely petrified that clarity seems to occasionally occur.

As the ground disappears beneath a blanket of cloud, weightlessness prevails, mentally as well as physically . I cannot do anything now that will affect the future or the past, I have to be at one with myself.

“Love Yourself” was this flights message.

We can spend hours working on business and financial planning, pouring love into our children and partners, devouring our past to get the most out of our future but if we don’t look after us, me, I, Self, what use are we to others?

Arriving in Darwin after circling for 45 minutes to avoid the storm it was hot, wet and windy, exactly how I remember it! I was happy to see Shenanigans still there, the word, the pub is exactly what Darwin was for me 15 years ago and again now.

My back packing days here in Darwin were pre and post my time working in Kakadu. Before Kakadu I was a little lost, on my own after traveling up the Wild West Coast camping on beaches, working at Cable Beach in Broome and melon picking in Kununurra. Post Kakadu was when I really started to know and rely on myself, the independent traveller that had immersed herself in the red dust.

There was an endless amount of love and shenanigans in Jabiru, Kakadu that inspired my second book, wide eyed travelers learning their truth and seeking solace in the arms of others.

It was such a pleasure to become a part of the diverse community in Jabiru that I couldn’t quite bring myself to go back this time, I knew those faces had gone and that the warmth of their energy would have disappeared also.  So, I stuck to the city with its slow pace, walking through the soup like weather, the loud shouts here and there and the many pubs that quench a never ending thirst.

I think Darwin inspires independent thinking and this girl is claiming just a little of that back every day.

Let them Fall and Fail

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I don’t often comment on parenting because we all know how bloody difficult it is to get it right. However a lesson shared might just be a lesson learnt!

Thanks to my big brother (who after talking about it for five years finally came to visit me in Aus) my children have taken up roller skating and I have returned, (after almost 25 years!).

I don’t mind admitting it was pretty scary putting those skates back on and realising you are not quite as agile as you were at 15! Skating was one of the easiest things I can remember doing as a kid so why was it so difficult now? Ha ha fear! Fear of of falling over, fear of failure.

My teenage boy got the hang of it almost immediately and my youngest clung eagerly to the side occasionally getting her confidence and then legs going in opposite directions like Bambi she would pull herself up and start all over again, with determination.

‘C’mon Mum speed up’ called my eldest

‘It’s ok for you you’re like a spitfire, I’m an old jumbo jet!’ I muttered feeling every muscle tighten and every wobble, wobble. On his second time lapping me he returned;

‘Mum a spitfire just has a prop, jumbo jets have twin turbo engines, you have more power than me!’

I laughed. They are always so much wiser, I never stop learning from my beautiful babies.

As adults we have been conditioned that ‘falling over’ is embarrassing and scary. The fear of falling or failing is what prevents us but the act of falling or failing is actually what propels us to succeed.

A strange site to see were the parents walking onto the rink with their kids holding both of their hands and not letting them go, a whole hour of walking around in circles. Oh how I wish I could hold their hands forever and never let them into a world I’m still trying to understand, a world that still hurts and confuses me but equally brings such pleasure when you least expect it. I wish I could take their knocks for them but then what would they learn? We have to let our children fall over and fail and get back up because that’s life!

After four or five visits to the rink my youngest is skating around perfectly well, away from the safety of the side enjoying every minute with a huge smile. My spitfire may only have a prop but effortlessly speeds around ducking and diving without hitting the ground. For me the 30 seconds achieved of perfect gliding, feeling fifteen again and the smiles on my children’s faces make the occasional bruise worth it. Like many parents it is me that needs to learn to let go!

BEAUTIFUL TRAUMA -Waiting for the Curtain to Fall

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What a bloody awesome title for a tour! Is trauma what inspires all creatives?

When my little girl chose PINK last term as her hero to write a school project about I was blown away with pride that she had chosen someone who follows her own rules, not societies and is such a strong, powerful woman. So even though pennies were tight as single mum, status was in full swing I swallowed the overdraft and bought tickets for her birthday.

We started to research PINK together, I had grown up with her songs and watched her be the antipiode of Britney Spears and Christine Aguellera.  This girl wasn’t prouncing around in school uniforms, it was clear her music was more important than her media. Also what became quite apparent was that it was the break up of her parents that inspired her to start writing, quite apt! Her words were what inspired me to stop and listen and (even though apparently I get most of them wrong, according to my beautiful little girl) it would seem that is what inspires her too.

We took the train into town and walked to Rod Laver Arena from Richmond, a nice stroll as dusk set in and we waited for the doors to open …. and then another hour for the inside doors to open, anticipation building!

I have always wanted seats near the stage at a concert and so when I saw they were available online I couldn’t believe it! I wanted so much for this to be the best experience for my daughter.  However, when we sat down the stage was completely obscured by a hanging curtain.  Immediately dread took over both of us, we wouldn’t be able to see anything. I tried to placate the situation by explaining PINK does alot of acrobatics and wouldn’t just be standing on the stage singing. However everyone in our seating section was having similar gloomy conversations. Then the supporting artist came on and our suspicions were confirmed we couldn’t see a thing! Even the tv screen was positioned directly above our heads and so didn’t help.

My heart sank as her smile turned to a frown after all the ups and downs of the last eighteen months I just wanted one perfect night with my little girl and I couldn’t even get that right!

Frustration turned to determination and I realised that we could see behind the curtain back stage and I told my baby I thought I could see Pink. Then we saw her with her little girl, huge ear defenders on, this lifted our spirits. We could see all the dancers stretching in their lycra and Pink giving her daughter the biggest hug.

Then the huge curtain dropped and we were ten feet away from this awesome woman belting her songs out, her heart out! My little girl beamed with joy and I simply wiped the tears away.

Polyamory

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Disney has a lot to answer for in strengthening monogamous relationship ideals. Oh sure I’m lucky enough to have had a few princes that have swept me off my feet but now that I’m holding the reigns I’ve realised I do and have always seen relationships from rose tinted Disney glasses. Polyamory if I had ever thought of the word would mean infidelity and infidelity would generally be a man having an affair. How Unfair some of life’s old beliefs appear after a year at Sexpo!

I’ve always known what polygamy was but polyamory seems like a new and perhaps a more inclusive way to have more than one partner, i.e we’re not just talking about a man having more than one wife!

It’s certainly no new thing and I hate to wobble your halo but most of us have probably been a part of a polyamorous relationship even if we weren’t aware at the time! Many of us have loved more than one person at the same time and that by definition is polyamory. It actually isn’t about a hierarchy of love but simply loving more than one. You can also be single and polyamorous which perhaps is a more socially accepted norm.

Because of the new dating generation being so much more accessible by the click of a button or should I say swipe of a finger! Choice and abundance is open to all not just the gutsy guy who has the balls to ask for the first dance. Will my children enter into monogamous relationships? Should I even actually promote them as ‘normal’?

Do women inherently want to ‘settle down’ and become Cinderella? Or are the next generation more likely to be Snow White enjoying her seven dwarfs!

For a lot of polyamorous people the lifestyle is about independence, could this be the end to the rescuer, to the knight in shining white armour? My heart through those rose tinted glasses shouts ‘Noooooooo!’

My head heaves a sigh of relief ‘Phew!’ I can ride my own bloody horse, thank you very much!

A Weekend with Australia’s Hottest Pornstar

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I had the pleasure of spending last weekend with Madison Missina, we created a writing retreat at my house and with the rain pouring down outside she told her story, writing 54,000 words in just three days! We were both amazed at how easily it flowed. It was fantastic to spend time with this wonderful woman, to relax in each other’s company, to spill our fears and our fantasies.

When I first met Madison Missina it was November 2016, she was walking through Sexpo as the tour guide dressed like a mini Snow White (above) or that was my impression. (I believe the costume in question is actually something completely different I’ll have to ask her) But hey as a writer surely it’s all about perception? There was no denying her Beauty and charisma as she laughed, joked and informed the public about what Sexpo is all about.

Something pulls you in with Maddy and it’s not just her beauty, there is something in that soft questioning voice that makes you listen a little harder.

A lot of people don’t realise that Maddy is a qualified counsellor and her quest to unravel the human psyche was obvious as over the weekend she revealed the colourful knitted and knotted tapestry that is her life. Talking freely about the pain she has suffered, turning blame into lessons and lessons into laughter, her smile illuminated some of the darkest places imaginable.

On the last day her frown appeared and then the tears and yet the questioning voice still remained. Even more charismatic minus the makeup with not an ounce of vanity in sight Maddy was so willing to take up the challenge of vulnerability without having to prove a thing.

Even through the adversity Maddy remains able to question motive and mind with an honest smile, an admirable quality. I don’t think I will ever forget that weekend I fell in love with writing all over again and I just know there are many more projects for us to collaborate on Thanks MM!

And so now to the editing…

Confessions of Sexpo Melbourne 2017

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Sexpo The Truth

After every Sexpo I have written a confessions blog, this is not meant to shock but rather to normalise the subject of sex.  After all ignorance is definitely not bliss and knowledge is power, something that I have personally had to realise this year!

The first confession of Melbourne 2017 Sexpo was one of my own, to my children.  They had seen the build up to this amazing event, the flyers, the marketing and had started to ask questions, so I needed to be open and honest with them.  I explained that Sexpo is an exhibition surrounding the education of intimacy, relationships and our bodies.  I also explained that although I go to sell my book, for the most part I am talking and reassuring people that they are ‘normal’ whatever that is!  I told them both that their bodies and every function that they perform emotionally and physically is natural and wonderful. When I meet the wonderful patrons of Sexpo and we chat about our experiences, I have only ever been shocked about the amount of shame that we all carry around with us. I don’t want my children to feel shame, it’s such a useless waste of time almost as ridiculous as worry.

The first at my stand was Sam a wonderful Italian who although has lived in Aus for a very long time still had the nuances of a European.  He openly shared his experiences as a single man and his continued safety around women and couples that wanted to experiment with him. He was a joy, full of boyish charm and excitement at being so free to demonstrate his curiosity.

A wonderful Mexican guy came to talk to me with the most beautiful accent and looks similar to that of Rafael Nadal he explained how the girls he knew back home could never wear a skirt or dress in public as they would be harassed and maybe even assaulted. ‘It’s very safe here in Aus’ he said.

A man with Tourette’s syndrome was the next to chat, he was interested in the psychological stance I had used in Sharks & Lovers to discover different sides of me and similarly the characters.  He recommended some more pysch books for me to read which was awesome, I’m always looking for more inspiration.

The next guy resembled a character I always come across; his wife had recently died and ‘she was very proper’.  He explained that he wasn’t very experienced and he bought my book in hope of some insights into another life. I do hope it delivers and I look forward to his response.

I can’t write this without mentioning the wonderful woman from my previous blog who came to me with such a warm smile.  She bought her first vibrators this weekend after my encouragement!  Having lost her husband a few years previously and before that having suffered an assault she withdrew from intimacy. We talked for a long time about control and abuse but mainly our shared philosophy that we are all in charge of our own happiness, by the end we embraced having shared our stories so honestly and openly.

These are the moments you just cannot replicate outside of Sexpo.

A great girl came up and grabbed Sharks & Lovers and gave it to her sister, ‘You’re reading this!’ she said.  Her sister was off to London for Christmas and I’m sure she will enjoy some of the places that I explain in the book and hopefully she will get to visit them too!

The exhibitors were a delight as always and the wonderful Pricasso painted my portrait in exchange for my book, promising me we will start his memoir next year, I will keep him to that!

I can’t list everyone I talk to but I do know that all the conversations at Sexpo are creating intimate and inspiring connections.

So until Sydney mid ’18 or maybe closer depending on dates for the U.K and U.S, it will be an exciting year that’s for definite!

Stay tooned folks!!!

Xx

Sexual Liberation

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This beautiful woman having suffered an awful sexual assault and then depriving her husband of sex because of her trauma has just bought two vibrators in a bid to learn to love herself.

‘Vibrators are too expensive!’ She said

‘$10’ I said

‘What if I die and my children find it?’

‘They will think ‘good on you mum!’

Ten minutes later she came back with the bag, ‘I got two!’

There is nothing wrong with self love, in fact that is where it needs to start!

I love empowering women.

Unnecessary Humiliation 

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Whilst revisiting Jung’s book Dreams, Memories, Reflections on holiday by the Murray River I stumbled across his remark of ‘unnecessary humiliation’ as Jung explored his anima and listened to a new voice. 

‘It is perfectly true that I have thought or felt this way at some time or other, but I don’t have to think or feel that way now. I need not accept this banality of mine in perpetuity; that is an unnecessary humiliation’

Reading this passage made me realise how many times I have unnecessary humiliated myself in my head. How many times do we revisit an experience with old emotions and not the new self that have grown to become? 

Jung has always been my hero because he documented his open heart and soul as well as his psyche and encourages us to do the same. You might not agree with some of his theories and philosophies but surely his open and honest attitude to life bares no greater guidance. 

Brisbane Sexpo Confessions

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A beautiful sunny Brisbane meant that Sexpo was Hot!….Living in Melbourne I had mainly taken completely the wrong kind of clothing, winter dresses just don’t work in 25 degrees.

However as usual my writing comes after the fact and so as I reflect on my wonderful weekend in August at Sexpo I wanted to share some stories.

My eyes wide open this time and not on stalks I listened to the tales of swingers who  just wanted to try something new, in my experience a lot of these couples have been in a relationship together for a long time and want to spice things up a bit. What’s wrong with that? I’m always asked if I have tried it and my reply is like many questions I’m asked at Sexpo…’not yet!’

Then there are the older men whose sex drive is still high but are widowed, divorced or single through choice. These beautiful curious creatures suffer from the age old complaint of loneliness and are not looking for love but just a companion. ‘I’ve even tried a bloke for the first time’ said one guy to me ‘it’s not bad you know, I’d do it again!’ As I listened I knew I was the first person he’d told this to and I felt privileged to hear of his bravery to experience the new, the different, to change his perspective later on in life when so many have already written their rigid path full of rules and regulations.

I found once again that it is the Sexpo consumers who are the preachers and teachers, the inspiration and us humble stall holders are merely the listeners, protectors of secrets and hand holders of a new way of life for many.