I happen to be single at the moment which invariably means men send me pics of their dick.  To say that this first happened a year or so after I had split up from my husband, would be a lie. However, it was the first time that I took it seriously. It seemed like an invitation of sorts.

Oh how I wonder if Jane Austen would giggle with glee. Her eyes wide with anticipation when opening the hand written invitation to the next debutant ball, (no envelope knives please Jane!) only to envisage the engorged phallus.  Probably a pencil drawing do you think?  Maybe that’s why those girls were always so giggly, we think we invented the dick pic, ha it’s been going on for centuries!? Respondez S’il Vous Plait.

So how does someone rsvp to a dick pic? It’s hard enough getting the head tilt right to eliminate the double chin in a selfie, let alone any other posing. It probably takes a lot of effort but I still tend to get distracted by the surroundings; he could of picked up the towel from the floor! Although I’m glad he showered first, that shows consideration…

My first serial dick picker for want of a better term, (continuous dick pics for about three years) was a South American stripper, extremely built body, abs upon abs. I would try and ignore the pics and use words instead to communicate with this glorious individual (whom I had met on one occasion) but these words would fall short, go nowhere, chatting would stop and a few months later the pics would reappear. Then one day the dick pics stopped, I was dismayed, I was no longer being invited to the ball! What had happened? I stalked him on socials and there seemed to be no change in his situation.  He had just given up. I was quite sad, not Jane Austen sitting by the window looking longingly out over the fields waiting for the sound of galloping hooves kinda sad but have another vodka and jump back on tinder kinda sad.

Now that I am actively looking (for a partner not a dick pic), they are coming thick and fast, quite literally, it is not just a pic now, it is a recording, oh how technology advances in the blink of an eye!  I have stopped being shocked or alarmed and instead my brain responds with a good Aussie phrase ‘good on ya mate!’ It’s his body and he’s proud, there are no underage anyone being forced to do anything and I can always press delete or block. It is sometimes titillating and amusing and some effort has gone into these clips, so much action, gyration yet still able to keep the camera angle just right. I have found a new respect and my response, when encouragement is the desired effect is a negligee pic, no genitalia, no peeking anything, just good old fashioned heaving cleavage, Jane would be proud.