“On census night in 2016, there were an estimated 6,866 women over 50 who were homeless — the figure representing a 31 per cent increase since 2011. Most had been married with children and ended up single because of a marriage breakdown, in which they tended to lose the family home.”
This figure does not include I am presuming those living in sheds, beach huts and maybe those living in cars?
Keeping a home is a real worry for any woman divorcing which hopefully seems ridiculous to most, personally it feels disgusting. However if a man has gone out to work whilst you have brought the children up and you don’t get the right advice you could very well assume you have no right to the marital home or that you have no way of securing it. However there are many ways in which a woman can secure their family home, I believe. You might have to disregard opinions from those around you, loved ones and those in higher places of power and probably your bank but with hard work and determination if I can do it anyone can!
It’s 5.18am January 2019 and I have been sitting in this 24 hour Macdonalds now for an hour and a half, I could be mistaken for someone with nowhere to go, nowhere to live, another homeless woman. I started off the night at a friends house but was too uncomfortable, then I did try to sleep in the car at 2.00am, it was too hot. It got up to 40 degrees today and the overnight low was around 29, so sleep for most of Melbourne tonight will be restless.
For me this night is a new experience, a one off; I’m Airbnbing my house to scrape together enough cash to refinance the property and so I actually have no bed tonight. Luckily the kids are at their Dads and we spent the last week of the holidays at a great cheap hotel I found in our first year in Aus, it was a sanctuary then and a sanctuary now. I smiled uncomfortably at the owner as she looked hard at my children,
“Do you know how clever and brave your Mum is?’
As I explained I had found this new income which was helping me secure the mortgage after my divorce. I tried to soak up this unexpected encouragement from a stranger, from one woman to another. I hadn’t found much unbiased encouragement, support or advice since the breakdown of my marriage and so this was new. Could she really see from just a few words that all I wanted is for my kids to be happy, could she really see what I had tried to explain to so many over the last year of emotional turmoil trying to cling to the clear logic that I had done my figures and I was ‘close’, close to being able to secure my home. I didn’t need to blame or feel anger it was simple all I wanted was for myself and my kids to be happy and of course for their Dad to be too.
The first financial advisor I sought help from sat in my kitchen laughing,
‘My wife will never get the house, all she has done is look after the kids!’
My eyes wide at his exclamation, I switched off and stared out of the window at the amazing view to the other side of the peninsula. One of the huge white cockatoos landed outside with a thud, (my messengers of light I like to think of them). I stood up.
‘I have some work to do’ I said
‘Keep in touch and let me know if you need some advice’ he replied
Advice about what, misogyny? I wondered.
As I tried to get comfy in the car lowering the seat back words flashed through my mind, ‘a woman asleep in her car’ it’s something I have seen many times, homelessness. What a shame, for society that this could happen and that many women find themselves in this position after a marriage has ended. I lock the doors in case I do fall asleep and for a few minutes Cinderella flashes into my head (the child in me returning because let’s face it being an adult really is shit sometimes!), watching it on the sofa my boy under one arm, my girl under the other. “Have courage, be kind.” Two traits that come so easily to children and yet us adults sometimes seem to forget when caught in the turmoil that life can bring.
As I sit in the banks small office I try not to fidget or bite my fingernails.
‘You’re close!’ She says ‘Very close with your figures. Unfortunately we don’t do low-doc loans, give me a call if you start to earn enough to register for tax though’
A car door slams loudly and my eyes open to a dusty pink sky. I wonder where my babies are, what they had for tea, if they had a bedtime story or a stay up.
Another financial advisor…
‘Sorry your net income is just too low. Every lender will look at $15k to live on minimum, you have two dependents that are with you over 70% of the time. Sorry can you see what I’m saying?’
Strangely this advice was the guiding light for me even though she was telling me she couldn’t help. I put the phone down onto the kitchen bench, staring again out of the window at the view and knew her words didn’t quite make sense, she had only asked about my net income, not my gross income. I was happy and calm. All I had to do was squeeze a few more thousand out of the world in the next six months. My first job in London at Standard Chartered Bank (20 years ago) mixing with Oxbridge grads did wonders for my money confidence back in the nineties. I learnt alot about perception and money it’s like most things in life if you focus and believe then it comes. It’s that trick called faith! Some financiers seem to perform miracles like magicians but for them it’s just ticking boxes, making the patterns symmetrical to the eye.
“The answer is always there, you just have to ask the right question”
I remember a friend in high places once told me this back when life to me was rather rose tinted. But there’s no reason it’s not true now even when the world seems sharper and more uncomfortable at times.
“You have got the mortgage, congratulations on securing your home” Obviously this came as a text and an email, no one picks up the phone these days do they?
It is very possible if you are getting divorced to secure your home, remember it is 2019 Not 1920. Even though some people’s perception of the world hasn’t changed since then it is up to us which dimension we chose to live in.
If you know anyone going through a divorce or seperation please share this with them, it might bring hope, courage or just some simple kindness.
*First excerpt taken from the below link
Writers Retreat
