Independence Is the key to Success.

Dependant, Independence, Co-dependant, Dependant. Is that the life cycle we are to live?

Whether you are in a relationship or single I truly believe that independence is the key to your success. As soon as co-dependency turns up in your life it initiates a control situation which is where unhealthy relationships evolve. Obviously we all start out in co- dependant/dependant relationships with our parents/carers and maybe that is why some of us are always happier in these relationships and seek sanctuary in them. However I truly believe being at one with yourself can only come through being independent, independently in love with yourself and caring for yourself first above all others.

I’ve spoken in many posts about the ‘Who’s looking after you?’ question. The answer to that has to always be Me.

Victim-Rescuer

There is no need for controlling relationships however at some point in our lives we all want someone to look after us and this is when we release our power to another or even entice someone to take up control of our lives for us, we have given up. We’ve all been there; too tired mentally or physically to carry on with the good fight why not step aside and surrender to the social norm of victim/rescuer, (that Disney has promoted to us on numerous occasions).

I believe that abusive relationships suffered in the past were encouraged by the thinking that one human must be dominated by another. It is frowned upon now but I remember clearly as a child conversations and games that would be labelled wrong now but ‘a bit of fun’ twenty years ago. Evolution is a wonderful thing but only if we learn and act, not just take growth for granted.

So as I teach my children independence it isn’t only about teaching them how to cook, look after themselves and respect themselves although of course all of those things help!It is about owning the power to be independent of others thinking and trusting yourself. It’s about backing your own beliefs and knowing you can lay down and take a break occasionally but that doesn’t mean handing over control to someone else or initiating victim/rescuer behaviour. When that victim behaviour turns up at best you will find a rescuer to control you but when that turns to abuse, will you recognise it? Hopefully with eyes wide open that can interpret what abuse is however whilst in the moment it can be very hard to see!

So how do you stop victim/rescuer relationships when we all like to be the child sometimes. I guess it is just being aware of when you are in that frame of mind and if you have initiated it or if some else’s actions have triggered your victim behaviour.

Healthy & Happy

Independence doesn’t mean no relationships, it means me first. Which as a caring, loving woman isn’t always easy to do but just remembering every day to put me first means I’m healthy for me, I’m working for me, I’m in control of me and nobody else is.

So to all those independent women out there I say ‘Cheers!’