Tinder All The Way!

That was my mantra whilst my babies were abroad, I hung up my apron and concentrated on being Me not Mum.  It’s actually a great excuse to meet new people, coffee’s, lunches, exhibitions, new bars and yes the inevitable, well hopefully, love of course. What were You thinking?

Meeting lots of new men in the space of three weeks I’ve realised how lonely we all are as a human race. To hold someone else’s hand, to have someone to vent to, someone that checks in to see how your day is going, this is now an app, not a normal state of being!

Most of us are in a very vulnerable state when tindering, nervously excited, we are all fragile souls, well the ones over 40 are anyway! Those 31 year olds still have the superman spirit of a teenager!

I have met men who have been in the armed forces, prison, fostered, looked after by brothers and sisters. I’ve met high flyers, miners and pilots but can honestly say and I wasn’t expecting this at all, I have met some of the kindest humans. Tinder has given me back my love of humanity that the two years of lockdown tried to take away.

Love is still the ultimate goal for many on tinder and if that love arrives in the form of a new friendship, surely that’s still progress?

So if you’re single, go mingle! You might just be surprised by what you find.

Phuket & Intuition

I first traveled to Phuket, Thailand in 2003 and so I was intrigued to discover what had changed since then. As it turned out it wasn’t the rough terrain or the busy roads, it was my infrastructure that had evolved most over this 15 years not Thailands after all why change a system that works!

That surge of heat as you leave the plane and walk out into the charming chaos of unfamiliar smells, sights and sounds was still as intriguing. As the mini bus found its space amid the jostling traffic our smiley driver took our luggage and we watched from the window at the street markets and cafe’s closing up for the evening, scooters and bicycles with two or more passengers weaving past in dare devil manoeuvres.

I had stayed in Rawai the first time around with my Mum and it was the most relaxing holiday that I will never forget! Poor Mum wasn’t very well whilst we were there but it didn’t stop us zooming about in a Tuk Tuk or riding elephants! We also had a few days in Bangkok where I had bought a copy of The Alchemist on the Khao San Road. This was a life changing read at the end of a year traveling, the perfect full stop to one chapter of my life and a new ethos of calm karma to carry on my journey.

This time my trip to Thailand combined business with pleasure which was equally if not more exciting. I am no longer seeking my passion or purpose but pursuing it and so it was no surprise that I spent most of the eight hour flight with my laptop open typing away.  A project that I have developed over the last three years I felt was perfect for Thailand and my intuition was right!  Travel always seems to encourage a pivot or acceleration in confidence, focus and determination, which is why I adore it so much. Growth is a craving that I have never relinquished, sometimes to my detriment, my head and heart speed ahead whilst in reality my feet are stock still in the present and as I look back through the time warp willing myself to catch up I wake up to the harsh reality that to move forwards you first have to let go.

Thinking back to my first visit I remember taking the trip with Mum to Kanchanbury Province, The Bridge over the River Kwai, it was a sobering walk through the fields of lost life and the train journey over the rickety bridge seemed almost in vain but a place I will never forget.  The toilet was another interesting memory which made the Aussie long drop seem revolutionary by design!

What we found in Phuket this time was a community of change, a multitude of gyms and boxing arena’s where people had come to better themselves. It was interesting to witness so many who had come to reclaim themselves from the stresses and strains of modern life. They were busy working on number one.

The writing project that I immersed myself in on the plane was so appropriate to the surroundings that when I arrived in Phuket I was almost shocked. Working on yourself is something we can forget to do in the whirlwind of life but how else can we grow? When I came home a friend just happened to forward me a link to recent research that actually backed my writing, my findings, my new book! I couldn’t believe it everything was falling into place, in the present this time!

By Women For Women

Inspired by the camaraderie that the #metoo movement encouraged among women I decided to ask my clients, colleagues and courageous friends to collaborate with me on a book sharing their experiences of life.

I have been overwhelmed by the support in this new project so thank you to everyone who has submitted a piece already.

If you would like to be considered for the book I require a 200/300 word bio with photo and 500-3500 words on one or any combination of the following subjects.

Love

Loss

Relationships

Pregnancy

Sex

Sexual Objectification

Abuse

Advice

Our target audience is other women of similar ages to ourselves (30 years plus). However if just a handful of men read it and change an opinion or learn something new about women I believe we have done our job!

If you require more information please send me an email frankiebanks27@gmail.com

An Insightful Week


First I had an amazing Monday nights sleep when I woke up something had shifted; I knew I could do it, do anything I wanted to do. The confusion had gone.

Then Tuesday I sat in the cafe and wrote my Sexpo workshop just a first draft of course but I was ready, I am ready.

Wednesday was a day of family, my children performed in the most amazing play. Adapted from Samuel Beckett’s, Where’s Goddo? It was very prophetic, finally I had stopped waiting for acceptance, permission or confidence to arrive, all I need is me.

Thursday was an interesting meeting with a wonderful scriptwriter who had read my treatment. As with all first drafts there were things she liked and things she wanted to change. But the meeting proved to me that the main strand to my story was strong and it will be out there one day. That’s all I needed to know. 

Friday was an awakening, I had slept on the whole weeks happenings and loved waking up full of enlightenment. This is the start of full confidence in my story and my life.

Urgent Writing from my Shadow


I urgently had to get to the cafe yesterday where I do a lot of my writing. It was busy because the wind outside was cold, the energy inside was enormous! I had no idea which project I was about to embark on as I opened my laptop and took a sip of my warm sweet latte.

I started with S.E.L.F (my writing tool that I have begun) and reread the piece that I wrote whilst on my road trip;

Sharon had been hiding in the cellar, she was petrified that the world would judge her and so she locked herself away. The lack of light had stunted her growth and she had regressed into a little girl, she thought this was her power and so this was the persona she threw out to the world.  However it was time for her to grow up and become a woman and so she decided to open the door from the cellar. As she climbed the thirteen steps the light hit her and immediatly she grew.  Like a new born she couldn’t see properly for a while, it took time for her eyes to adjust to this different perspective. It took months not weeks before she could stand tall again but one day she looked into the mirror and recognised the reflection, she smiled her eyes wider than ever before.

Immediately it evoked huge emotion and I realised that it was time to plan my Sexpo talk. The characters that I arrived at from Jung’s Individuation Process are so dear to me I cannot wait to share them. If just one person at the talk can relate, understand, smile, laugh or even hate one of my characters or me I feel I will have done my job. I just want to entice people’s emotional openness.

As I have said before I have never spoken to more than about ten people in a room so this is going to be an amazing experience.  At first I was nervous but now I can’t wait, it won’t be perfect and I’ll stumble but I’m starting to realise that is my strength. I don’t mind people watching me clown around trying to find my feet if it makes them smile, laugh and feel better about themselves.  I reckon even if people are laughing at me it means they are growing and have taken me into their heart. If they are anything like me, their brain will catch up eventually.

Sharks & Lovers can be downloaded here

The Treatment


I have finished the first draft of my treatment, which has involved merging my two written novels together to form the very beginnings of a screenplay.

It has been a really interesting process and kind of like cutting all of the best bits together. Obviously all of your threads still need to nicely merge together to build the picture so although I have cut 150,000 words down to 12,000 the story still needs to build. I have had to let go of a few sub-characters but perhaps they will re-emerge in another draft.

It has been such an education, all of my characters talk in first person so I have had to re-write all of the scenes in third.  It is obvious I need to work on third person writing which doesn’t come naturally and makes me wonder how good I am at stepping outside of the situation.

The process has given me a greater perspective on situations in the manuscript that I have drawn from my own experience which has made the story stronger.

I would highly recommend writing a treatment of your novel to anyone struggling as the editing process really makes you realise what is vital to you the writer but more importantly what is crucial to the story.

Once I have had some feedback I will be sure to post an excerpt!

My first novel is available below

Sharks & Lovers available at Amazon
Kobo  And  iTunes

Sexpo and the Writer


I have this gig in November to talk about my writing and how it has empowered me.  As my novels contain rather a lot of sex I suppose it is appropriate for me to do this at the Sexpo S.H.A.R.E seminars but somehow I feel like I will disappoint the audience. I’m just a normal housewife who has found a passion in writing. I don’t have huge breasts or a fabulous figure. I haven’t even had my eyelashes extended (like so many of the mums in the playground).

I hope I can concoct a talk that entices people into writing and empowers people to embrace their so-called ‘dark side’. I wonder if anyone will listen or even show up, I hope I can deliver. I have three months to come up with an engaging, interactive talk, an outfit I feel comfortable in and most importantly a bloody big helping of courage!

I will keep you posted and if you have any advice I’d be really grateful….