Polyamory

Disney has a lot to answer for in strengthening monogamous relationship ideals. Oh sure I’m lucky enough to have had a few princes that have swept me off my feet but now that I’m holding the reigns I’ve realised I do and have always seen relationships from rose tinted Disney glasses. Polyamory if I had ever thought of the word would mean infidelity and infidelity would generally be a man having an affair. How Unfair some of life’s old beliefs appear after a year at Sexpo!

I’ve always known what polygamy was but polyamory seems like a new and perhaps a more inclusive way to have more than one partner, i.e we’re not just talking about a man having more than one wife!

It’s certainly no new thing and I hate to wobble your halo but most of us have probably been a part of a polyamorous relationship even if we weren’t aware at the time! Many of us have loved more than one person at the same time and that by definition is polyamory. It actually isn’t about a hierarchy of love but simply loving more than one. You can also be single and polyamorous which perhaps is a more socially accepted norm.

Because of the new dating generation being so much more accessible by the click of a button or should I say swipe of a finger! Choice and abundance is open to all not just the gutsy guy who has the balls to ask for the first dance. Will my children enter into monogamous relationships? Should I even actually promote them as ‘normal’?

Do women inherently want to ‘settle down’ and become Cinderella? Or are the next generation more likely to be Snow White enjoying her seven dwarfs!

For a lot of polyamorous people the lifestyle is about independence, could this be the end to the rescuer, to the knight in shining white armour? My heart through those rose tinted glasses shouts ‘Noooooooo!’

My head heaves a sigh of relief ‘Phew!’ I can ride my own bloody horse, thank you very much!

A Weekend with Australia’s Hottest Pornstar

I had the pleasure of spending last weekend with Madison Missina, we created a writing retreat at my house and with the rain pouring down outside she told her story, writing 54,000 words in just three days! We were both amazed at how easily it flowed. It was fantastic to spend time with this wonderful woman, to relax in each other’s company, to spill our fears and our fantasies.

When I first met Madison Missina it was November 2016, she was walking through Sexpo as the tour guide dressed like a mini Snow White (above) or that was my impression. (I believe the costume in question is actually something completely different I’ll have to ask her) But hey as a writer surely it’s all about perception? There was no denying her Beauty and charisma as she laughed, joked and informed the public about what Sexpo is all about.

Something pulls you in with Maddy and it’s not just her beauty, there is something in that soft questioning voice that makes you listen a little harder.

A lot of people don’t realise that Maddy is a qualified counsellor and her quest to unravel the human psyche was obvious as over the weekend she revealed the colourful knitted and knotted tapestry that is her life. Talking freely about the pain she has suffered, turning blame into lessons and lessons into laughter, her smile illuminated some of the darkest places imaginable.

On the last day her frown appeared and then the tears and yet the questioning voice still remained. Even more charismatic minus the makeup with not an ounce of vanity in sight Maddy was so willing to take up the challenge of vulnerability without having to prove a thing.

Even through the adversity Maddy remains able to question motive and mind with an honest smile, an admirable quality. I don’t think I will ever forget that weekend I fell in love with writing all over again and I just know there are many more projects for us to collaborate on Thanks MM!

And so now to the editing…

Confessions of Sexpo Melbourne 2017

Sexpo The Truth

After every Sexpo I have written a confessions blog, this is not meant to shock but rather to normalise the subject of sex.  After all ignorance is definitely not bliss and knowledge is power, something that I have personally had to realise this year!

The first confession of Melbourne 2017 Sexpo was one of my own, to my children.  They had seen the build up to this amazing event, the flyers, the marketing and had started to ask questions, so I needed to be open and honest with them.  I explained that Sexpo is an exhibition surrounding the education of intimacy, relationships and our bodies.  I also explained that although I go to sell my book, for the most part I am talking and reassuring people that they are ‘normal’ whatever that is!  I told them both that their bodies and every function that they perform emotionally and physically is natural and wonderful. When I meet the wonderful patrons of Sexpo and we chat about our experiences, I have only ever been shocked about the amount of shame that we all carry around with us. I don’t want my children to feel shame, it’s such a useless waste of time almost as ridiculous as worry.

The first at my stand was Sam a wonderful Italian who although has lived in Aus for a very long time still had the nuances of a European.  He openly shared his experiences as a single man and his continued safety around women and couples that wanted to experiment with him. He was a joy, full of boyish charm and excitement at being so free to demonstrate his curiosity.

A wonderful Mexican guy came to talk to me with the most beautiful accent and looks similar to that of Rafael Nadal he explained how the girls he knew back home could never wear a skirt or dress in public as they would be harassed and maybe even assaulted. ‘It’s very safe here in Aus’ he said.

A man with Tourette’s syndrome was the next to chat, he was interested in the psychological stance I had used in Sharks & Lovers to discover different sides of me and similarly the characters.  He recommended some more pysch books for me to read which was awesome, I’m always looking for more inspiration.

The next guy resembled a character I always come across; his wife had recently died and ‘she was very proper’.  He explained that he wasn’t very experienced and he bought my book in hope of some insights into another life. I do hope it delivers and I look forward to his response.

I can’t write this without mentioning the wonderful woman from my previous blog who came to me with such a warm smile.  She bought her first vibrators this weekend after my encouragement!  Having lost her husband a few years previously and before that having suffered an assault she withdrew from intimacy. We talked for a long time about control and abuse but mainly our shared philosophy that we are all in charge of our own happiness, by the end we embraced having shared our stories so honestly and openly.

These are the moments you just cannot replicate outside of Sexpo.

A great girl came up and grabbed Sharks & Lovers and gave it to her sister, ‘You’re reading this!’ she said.  Her sister was off to London for Christmas and I’m sure she will enjoy some of the places that I explain in the book and hopefully she will get to visit them too!

The exhibitors were a delight as always and the wonderful Pricasso painted my portrait in exchange for my book, promising me we will start his memoir next year, I will keep him to that!

I can’t list everyone I talk to but I do know that all the conversations at Sexpo are creating intimate and inspiring connections.

So until Sydney mid ’18 or maybe closer depending on dates for the U.K and U.S, it will be an exciting year that’s for definite!

Stay tooned folks!!!

Xx

Sexual Liberation

This beautiful woman having suffered an awful sexual assault and then depriving her husband of sex because of her trauma has just bought two vibrators in a bid to learn to love herself.

‘Vibrators are too expensive!’ She said

‘$10’ I said

‘What if I die and my children find it?’

‘They will think ‘good on you mum!’

Ten minutes later she came back with the bag, ‘I got two!’

There is nothing wrong with self love, in fact that is where it needs to start!

I love empowering women.

Unnecessary Humiliation 


Whilst revisiting Jung’s book Dreams, Memories, Reflections on holiday by the Murray River I stumbled across his remark of ‘unnecessary humiliation’ as Jung explored his anima and listened to a new voice. 

‘It is perfectly true that I have thought or felt this way at some time or other, but I don’t have to think or feel that way now. I need not accept this banality of mine in perpetuity; that is an unnecessary humiliation’

Reading this passage made me realise how many times I have unnecessary humiliated myself in my head. How many times do we revisit an experience with old emotions and not the new self that have grown to become? 

Jung has always been my hero because he documented his open heart and soul as well as his psyche and encourages us to do the same. You might not agree with some of his theories and philosophies but surely his open and honest attitude to life bares no greater guidance. 

Brisbane Sexpo Confessions

A beautiful sunny Brisbane meant that Sexpo was Hot!….Living in Melbourne I had mainly taken completely the wrong kind of clothing, winter dresses just don’t work in 25 degrees.

However as usual my writing comes after the fact and so as I reflect on my wonderful weekend in August at Sexpo I wanted to share some stories.

My eyes wide open this time and not on stalks I listened to the tales of swingers who  just wanted to try something new, in my experience a lot of these couples have been in a relationship together for a long time and want to spice things up a bit. What’s wrong with that? I’m always asked if I have tried it and my reply is like many questions I’m asked at Sexpo…’not yet!’

Then there are the older men whose sex drive is still high but are widowed, divorced or single through choice. These beautiful curious creatures suffer from the age old complaint of loneliness and are not looking for love but just a companion. ‘I’ve even tried a bloke for the first time’ said one guy to me ‘it’s not bad you know, I’d do it again!’ As I listened I knew I was the first person he’d told this to and I felt privileged to hear of his bravery to experience the new, the different, to change his perspective later on in life when so many have already written their rigid path full of rules and regulations.

I found once again that it is the Sexpo consumers who are the preachers and teachers, the inspiration and us humble stall holders are merely the listeners, protectors of secrets and hand holders of a new way of life for many. 

Sexpo Rated PowerPoint 

Sexual ‘Liberation’ being the topic of my talk and brand I thought it interesting that I will need a disclaimer for my PowerPoint presentation. I cannot wait to get to Brisbane and explore my truth and freedom. I was thinking about all of this and then stumbled across a book my husband bought me for Christmas. 

‘Twenty years from now you will be more dissappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover.’

Mark Twain

Thank You

Men, Love & Sexual Liberation 

What a privilege it is to have these amazing men read my book and also how profound. Five men started my journey into words when I thought I had lost my power and decided to delve deeper into my psyche and sexuality.  I soon regained my sense of self and began my journey of Sexual Liberation.  I feel so free and empowered and this photo feels as though these extraordinary men have lifted me up on their shoulders. Thanks Boys all of you xxx

Black Ink


Notes on a poem

Pain is the spilt pot of black ink that covers everything and yet is not always apparent to the naked eye.  The bearer of pain is the only person who knows its origin and holds the key to unlock the door to happiness.  However pain is a fuel, a wonderful weapon of manipulation.  Always holding it’s power over others. Poor me, poor you, poor us.

Pain unlocks your pain but then where does it go? Are you beholden to him?  Does it occasionally surface as a reminder of how not to live?  A dear friend now poisoned.

Do you cling to the knowledge of a dark familiar place or follow a light that is wavering and uncertain?

After all knowledge is power and so now your power has gone.

Happiness is just those few notes you got right, never once did it make a song.

Pain is the uncertainty of happiness, just out of reach.  A warm and loving gift.  Touched words to soothe the dark in so many women’s lives.  Another powerful kind of control.

How can we know if it is true or if a yoyo of black and white will always occur?

Blind faith is all we have and a little courage that falling from a place so close to the sun would surely be a flight worth risking.

Lyrics of Faith this is the poem or lyrics!

Enjoy x

 

 

The Un Couple

My hubby and I have been through the mill these last few years, emigration, five house moves, working away, illness and redundancy. Basically we’ve experienced life and sometimes it pulls you together and sometimes it pushes you apart. We love each other sure but in love, no. Friends absolutely, lovers no.

It’s a harsh reality that we had to discuss. We are not connected and the more I write and get back to myself the further away we seem to drift.  I found happiness in my writing and discovering myself. 

‘You have changed so much’ he said. I have he is right and I love this new me but it’s not compatible to him any more, we both seem to accept that.

Not wanting to unsettle our two beautiful children nothing has drastically changed in our set up other than awareness and willingness to talk.

‘It seems everyone has been through this, is going through this or is divorced’ he said after talking to a few of his friends.  He seemed surprised to find that there are not many happy marriages around. Everyone is struggling in one way or another, even if it is unsaid.

‘Men just don’t talk about their marriages’ he said. 

Where we are right now reminds me so much of my first miscarriage. A sadness that we shared together.  My body and mind seemed so disconnected from the world. It was out of my control and yet I was losing a part of me. All of a sudden the women around me shared their truth and experiences of miscarriage and I realised I wasn’t alone. It didn’t change the awful guilt or indescribable confusion about why this would happen but it helped with the isolation I had felt. I know my husbands friends were also willing to share their experiences too and it helped.

As we travel down this new road of ‘uncoupling’ I hope isolation isn’t a destination or even a pit stop. I hope we are not ‘damned’ for our new way of life.

I want to be happy and for those around me to be happy too, it’s that simple. Even when simple seems like a distant dream.