I believe we all have a Drama Triangle in our lives it’s just a matter of are we enjoying it? Are we aware of it? Does it feed our need to be ‘special’?
Victim, Persecutor or Rescuer? It isn’t just a question of which one are you? As my eleven year old daughter quite simply put, ‘Yes, different people make you feel or react differently’. We all can play a different role with different people.
With your parents you may want them to be the Rescuer because that is how we have been conditioned as a child. However as you grow up and they get older you may well find yourself rescuing them! I think this is the most placid example of a Drama Triangle situation with the outside world of challenges, responsibilities and friendships acting as the persecutor.
This is a great article about the The Drama Triangle and in my opinion we all feed someone’s, if not our own. Is this subconscious manipulation or simply human nature?
So what’s the problem? Especially if you are the Rescuer because surely that’s the best one to be! Surely you are only helping, not hurting the other people involved?
Even as Rescuer you are keeping the victim stuck and more worryingly you are keeping the persecutor stuck in their role and feeding their behaviour.
Perhaps this victims real and first persecutor was years ago, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years ago. This is the only relationship model they know and so it is a recurring theme in the victims life. By playing the Rescuer today you are reinforcing the victims behaviour, you are encouraging them to find another persecutor.
#Metoo
This is one of the reasons the #metoo movement didn’t quite sit favourably with me. Abuse of any kind is wrong there is no doubt about it. The movement started with a pure purpose, like so many do. However watching #metoo, methree, mefour, memillions I couldn’t help wondering how many victims were being given justification to live in this blame culture. What about #mefree? At some point we have to forgive, learn and move on.
I also wonder if this movement vindicated the persecutor? – ‘well if I’m a persecutor I had better go persecute someone!’ I realise it’s a very simplistic view but don’t humans like to complicate things?
I wonder how this blame culture will end as we sit to watch the next Witch dropped in to the pond, the next gladiator eaten surprisingly by the tiger.
I adore many feministic views but keeping us in the role of victim, shouting about it and blaming individuals at best is a circus at worst it seems like playground tactics. Have any of the enormous peodophile rings and human trafficking statistics changed since #metoo? I’m thinking Not.
Breaking the Cycle
So how do we break this drama triangle? I believe just being present with our language and not feeding others weaknesses is a place to start. Be kind with our stories of ourselves, to ourselves and others. Realise how and what we trigger and be responsible. Be ourselves, be kind and try not to be reactive.
Forgive and if need be change our behaviour.
