writing

Skate Night – Truth Night

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Well this is an old post and I honestly can’t remember if at the time I published something similar however I’m pleased to say my faith was rewarded. We must go skating more often!

Skate Night

Skate night often turns into truth night in our house as we rush to get there after school, the conversation in the back of the car is an unloading of the day’s events, achievements and disappointments.

‘I think I will try to have lower expectations of other people’ My son exclaimed as the sunshine and showers followed us along the highway.

‘Ha! You have no idea my boy’ this was all I could muster after a difficult week, dealing with divorce, lawyers and colliding morals and ethics.

‘No!’ My beautiful wide eyed daughter answered ‘you have to believe in people!’

‘You certainly need to have high expectations of yourself’ I chipped in.

My children’s conversation echoed my thoughts after nearly two years of trying to find a way for the three of us to stay in our family home.

‘You just simply can’t afford this house!’

‘If I divorce my wife certainly wouldn’t get the house all she’s done is look after the kids’ – this was a potential financial advisor that wanted my custom!!

‘Go and get a proper job’ – No I don’t want to be gone from my children for 10 hours a day!

Over this time it has been hard not to lose faith in a world that seems to have lost faith in me.

Truth Night

My determination to stay in our home is not a selfish whim but simply after five moves in five years I believe my children deserve to have a family home and I know that I have worked hard to try to achieve this. This is why I have Airbnb’d the place, why I sit most evenings on the sofa with my kids, my laptop next to me working hard to send my hourly invoices out.

Faith

Soon I will know my fate. I believe I will stay in this house with my children because I have faith in my own ability to do so, I will not change my faith and belief in humanity even when positive reinforcement seems a far cry from my immediate needs, I will also continue my writing and share success spiritually, psychologically and physically with my wonderful writing friends because that is why I’ve changed my life so that I can smile at the world even when they are frowning at me!

Lust – Roald Dahl

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Tales of Craving and Desire by Roald Dahl

I couldn’t believe it when I stumbled across my favourite childhood writer Roald Dahl writing in the genre of eroticism!

Published as a collection of short stories in 2016 going back to 1945 I couldn’t help feeling these were true tales from a writers life, rather than his norm of fiction they felt like diary entries! Could RD have written these as fictional memoir?

At first I thought him stuffy in his opinions around women and sex but I realised that was as much about the era these stories were written in than the opinions of the writer himself. I always think of Jane Austen and how she would have written sex scenes; I would want her to be fully expressive but the reality is there is no way she could be.

Touring with Sexpo opened my eyes to the eyes wide shut, so many surrounded by sex and yet still whispering about the glaringly obvious.

How fantastic of Mr Fox to write in a genre so opposed to his norm of youth and yet did he actually want these published? Were they personal scripts? It does beg the question who has the right to publish your work?

It paints a very different vision of this revered man, I’m not sure I’ll be sharing these books with my daughter even when she does turn 21!

Check them out!

https://www.booktopia.com.au/lust-roald-dahl/book/9780718185619.html?source=pla&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhonr_vac5QIVFSUrCh2p6gjlEAQYASABEgKgb_D_BwE

Why Write?

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In this instant age will writing become a thing of the past? I do hope not but for many it certainly is no longer a pastime for healing or self reflection. Has writing become another instant recognition process, another ‘like’, whilst telling the world what you believe they want to hear?

Writing is a soft approach to expel emotion and create order, it’s an effective way to make decisions, plan and dream. It’s a wonderful story telling device that can help dissolve the prejudices of old or the competing, calculative new. Of course writing is an education for the giver and taker; writer and reader, even if they are one and the same.

Nowadays writing isn’t about putting pen to paper it’s about lists on your phone, creating content on your pad or typing on your laptop, even dictating an email. There are so many new ways to write surely it should be a growing culture not a declining one!

When writing a memoir, diary, notes or simply scribbling some sentences, it gets the nonsense out of our head and heart. Creating space for new conversations, curiosity and inquiries, it helps us grow internally but who can see that gain?

Whilst recently editing for a client this particular person repeated ‘along the way’ continuously through an interview, I enjoyed how gentle and soothing those three words were. He was one of the worlds top psychologists and obviously very conscious of his diction and how it affects himself and others. If only we could all be that mindful, it must take a lot of practice.

Perhaps you will release a new memory from writing something forgotten for so long that you now wonder if it’s fiction or fact. It’s out of you now, on paper to read or burn, to keep hidden or share with loved ones.

A substitution of descriptions can sometimes give new perspective to situations that have been so welded into our beliefs that they have stopped us or even made us retreat. Why not rewrite your history if it will help propel you forward?

Creating our own dictionary for life that is forever evolving is the production of reading and writing. Occasionally we need to reread to ensure it’s as close to reality as we want to get and as encouraging to our well being as possible.

Creating our own worlds from words is what we learn from childhood to do and sometimes we need to rewrite these words, rewrite our world. As it changes and grows so too does our vocabulary. Culling some of the less invigorating or creating more positive sentences to tell ourselves and others can literally change lives, writing those words down can change the world around us.

Love

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When you don’t have love in your life it can be a very lonely existence. I’m sure we have all been there, feeling alone and shut out. Sharing my heart, reciprocated or not has always been a joy to me. I find so much pleasure in giving that in the past I have found myself exhausted.

However what I am getting better at is reading what I receive in return for the energy I put into people. Obviously the exchange is not always what they think it should be and some do not want exchange at all. That’s ok you can have a taste of my world and my love but I now know when to retract my love and let you go. I will never give to receive but I will never give endlessly either. Energy is precious.

It is extraordinary to think that people don’t want to experience love and are intent on vicious circles of anger, resentment and bitterness. Maybe it’s been some time since they experienced love or perhaps they have given up on the idea, been rejected or worse.

When my children were born one of the biggest lessons as a new Mum was that these beautiful bundles of joy only ever mirrored my emotions. When I was upset so were they, when I was happy so were they, when I was frustrated guess what…

People are mirrors and we need to be careful what, why and when we project our emotions.

Project what you want to receive!

Purpose & Love – Mums

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I have to admit that I thought Mums who went back to work within 3 months of their children being born were Selfish. I’m talking about Mums that didn’t need to go back to work for cash reasons. 

My perspective has changed so much! Now I know what it is to be passionate about your work and have true purpose for yourself.  Life is about choices and realising that you are in charge of them and can make anything happen! You do not have to follow your family’s footprints or your friends ideals. 

I loved my time with my babies, for the first seven or eight years of their life I was consumed by them.  Sometimes life took over and when stresses were high I have to admit I had limited outlets but that is no fault but my own.  We all choose the path we follow.

Having spent seven years in the city working and playing hard then having chosen to be a stay at home Mum not surprisingly my income capabilities changed dramatically.  I still worked part-time, book keeping and Chairing a Playgroup kept me busy. I also studied Interior Design and Feng Shui, ultimately  I had ‘me time’ but it wasn’t a passion and my purpose was my love; being Mum.

When I work away from home now I go with such intent that I am focused on my rewards, my children are always there with me in my heart but I have a purpose that is so different to the caring, loving Mum.  I come home and fall in love with my children all over again and it just makes our connection stronger. I can see them from a new perspective now one that wants them to grow in all of the directions that I have and many, many more.

What has been an invaluable learning from the changes in my life is that what works for one family doesn’t necessarily work for another but that doesn’t make it wrong.  We all have our own way of making a cup of tea, when you can sit back and appreciate the taste of difference you know you are accepting all the colours of life.

I love my work and I love my children, maybe women can have it all!

Will I still have a roof over my head if I get divorced?

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“On census night in 2016, there were an estimated 6,866 women over 50 who were homeless — the figure representing a 31 per cent increase since 2011. Most had been married with children and ended up single because of a marriage breakdown, in which they tended to lose the family home.”

This figure does not include I am presuming those living in sheds, beach huts and maybe those living in cars?

Keeping a home is a real worry for any woman divorcing which hopefully seems ridiculous to most, personally it feels disgusting. However if a man has gone out to work whilst you have brought the children up and you don’t get the right advice you could very well assume you have no right to the marital home or that you have no way of securing it. However there are many ways in which a woman can secure their family home, I believe. You might have to disregard opinions from those around you, loved ones and those in higher places of power and probably your bank but with hard work and determination if I can do it anyone can!

It’s 5.18am January 2019 and I have been sitting in this 24 hour Macdonalds now for an hour and a half, I could be mistaken for someone with nowhere to go, nowhere to live, another homeless woman. I started off the night at a friends house but was too uncomfortable, then I did try to sleep in the car at 2.00am, it was too hot. It got up to 40 degrees today and the overnight low was around 29, so sleep for most of Melbourne tonight will be restless.

For me this night is a new experience, a one off; I’m Airbnbing my house to scrape together enough cash to refinance the property and so I actually have no bed tonight. Luckily the kids are at their Dads and we spent the last week of the holidays at a great cheap hotel I found in our first year in Aus, it was a sanctuary then and a sanctuary now. I smiled uncomfortably at the owner as she looked hard at my children,

“Do you know how clever and brave your Mum is?’

As I explained I had found this new income which was helping me secure the mortgage after my divorce. I tried to soak up this unexpected encouragement from a stranger, from one woman to another. I hadn’t found much unbiased encouragement, support or advice since the breakdown of my marriage and so this was new. Could she really see from just a few words that all I wanted is for my kids to be happy, could she really see what I had tried to explain to so many over the last year of emotional turmoil trying to cling to the clear logic that I had done my figures and I was ‘close’, close to being able to secure my home. I didn’t need to blame or feel anger it was simple all I wanted was for myself and my kids to be happy and of course for their Dad to be too.

The first financial advisor I sought help from sat in my kitchen laughing,
‘My wife will never get the house, all she has done is look after the kids!’
My eyes wide at his exclamation, I switched off and stared out of the window at the amazing view to the other side of the peninsula. One of the huge white cockatoos landed outside with a thud, (my messengers of light I like to think of them). I stood up.

‘I have some work to do’ I said

‘Keep in touch and let me know if you need some advice’ he replied

Advice about what, misogyny? I wondered.

As I tried to get comfy in the car lowering the seat back words flashed through my mind, ‘a woman asleep in her car’ it’s something I have seen many times, homelessness. What a shame, for society that this could happen and that many women find themselves in this position after a marriage has ended. I lock the doors in case I do fall asleep and for a few minutes Cinderella flashes into my head (the child in me returning because let’s face it being an adult really is shit sometimes!), watching it on the sofa my boy under one arm, my girl under the other. “Have courage, be kind.” Two traits that come so easily to children and yet us adults sometimes seem to forget when caught in the turmoil that life can bring.

As I sit in the banks small office I try not to fidget or bite my fingernails.

‘You’re close!’ She says ‘Very close with your figures. Unfortunately we don’t do low-doc loans, give me a call if you start to earn enough to register for tax though’

A car door slams loudly and my eyes open to a dusty pink sky. I wonder where my babies are, what they had for tea, if they had a bedtime story or a stay up.

Another financial advisor…

‘Sorry your net income is just too low. Every lender will look at $15k to live on minimum, you have two dependents that are with you over 70% of the time. Sorry can you see what I’m saying?’

Strangely this advice was the guiding light for me even though she was telling me she couldn’t help. I put the phone down onto the kitchen bench, staring again out of the window at the view and knew her words didn’t quite make sense, she had only asked about my net income, not my gross income. I was happy and calm. All I had to do was squeeze a few more thousand out of the world in the next six months. My first job in London at Standard Chartered Bank (20 years ago) mixing with Oxbridge grads did wonders for my money confidence back in the nineties. I learnt alot about perception and money it’s like most things in life if you focus and believe then it comes. It’s that trick called faith! Some financiers seem to perform miracles like magicians but for them it’s just ticking boxes, making the patterns symmetrical to the eye.

“The answer is always there, you just have to ask the right question”

I remember a friend in high places once told me this back when life to me was rather rose tinted. But there’s no reason it’s not true now even when the world seems sharper and more uncomfortable at times.

“You have got the mortgage, congratulations on securing your home” Obviously this came as a text and an email, no one picks up the phone these days do they?

It is very possible if you are getting divorced to secure your home, remember it is 2019 Not 1920. Even though some people’s perception of the world hasn’t changed since then it is up to us which dimension we chose to live in.

If you know anyone going through a divorce or seperation please share this with them, it might bring hope, courage or just some simple kindness.

*First excerpt taken from the below link

https://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2019-04-29/are-tiny-homes-the-answer-for-older-women-facing-homelessness/11049272?pfmredir=sm&sf211762866=1&smid=Page:%20ABC%20Australia-Facebook_Organic&WT.tsrc=Facebook_Organic

Darwin Flight

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I’m not sure what happens at 30,000ft perhaps the air is clearer, the gravitational pull of earth just that little lighter or maybe it’s because I’m completely petrified that clarity seems to occasionally occur.

As the ground disappears beneath a blanket of cloud, weightlessness prevails, mentally as well as physically . I cannot do anything now that will affect the future or the past, I have to be at one with myself.

“Love Yourself” was this flights message.

We can spend hours working on business and financial planning, pouring love into our children and partners, devouring our past to get the most out of our future but if we don’t look after us, me, I, Self, what use are we to others?

Arriving in Darwin after circling for 45 minutes to avoid the storm it was hot, wet and windy, exactly how I remember it! I was happy to see Shenanigans still there, the word, the pub is exactly what Darwin was for me 15 years ago and again now.

My back packing days here in Darwin were pre and post my time working in Kakadu. Before Kakadu I was a little lost, on my own after traveling up the Wild West Coast camping on beaches, working at Cable Beach in Broome and melon picking in Kununurra. Post Kakadu was when I really started to know and rely on myself, the independent traveller that had immersed herself in the red dust.

There was an endless amount of love and shenanigans in Jabiru, Kakadu that inspired my second book, wide eyed travelers learning their truth and seeking solace in the arms of others.

It was such a pleasure to become a part of the diverse community in Jabiru that I couldn’t quite bring myself to go back this time, I knew those faces had gone and that the warmth of their energy would have disappeared also.  So, I stuck to the city with its slow pace, walking through the soup like weather, the loud shouts here and there and the many pubs that quench a never ending thirst.

I think Darwin inspires independent thinking and this girl is claiming just a little of that back every day.

Let them Fall and Fail

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I don’t often comment on parenting because we all know how bloody difficult it is to get it right. However a lesson shared might just be a lesson learnt!

Thanks to my big brother (who after talking about it for five years finally came to visit me in Aus) my children have taken up roller skating and I have returned, (after almost 25 years!).

I don’t mind admitting it was pretty scary putting those skates back on and realising you are not quite as agile as you were at 15! Skating was one of the easiest things I can remember doing as a kid so why was it so difficult now? Ha ha fear! Fear of of falling over, fear of failure.

My teenage boy got the hang of it almost immediately and my youngest clung eagerly to the side occasionally getting her confidence and then legs going in opposite directions like Bambi she would pull herself up and start all over again, with determination.

‘C’mon Mum speed up’ called my eldest

‘It’s ok for you you’re like a spitfire, I’m an old jumbo jet!’ I muttered feeling every muscle tighten and every wobble, wobble. On his second time lapping me he returned;

‘Mum a spitfire just has a prop, jumbo jets have twin turbo engines, you have more power than me!’

I laughed. They are always so much wiser, I never stop learning from my beautiful babies.

As adults we have been conditioned that ‘falling over’ is embarrassing and scary. The fear of falling or failing is what prevents us but the act of falling or failing is actually what propels us to succeed.

A strange site to see were the parents walking onto the rink with their kids holding both of their hands and not letting them go, a whole hour of walking around in circles. Oh how I wish I could hold their hands forever and never let them into a world I’m still trying to understand, a world that still hurts and confuses me but equally brings such pleasure when you least expect it. I wish I could take their knocks for them but then what would they learn? We have to let our children fall over and fail and get back up because that’s life!

After four or five visits to the rink my youngest is skating around perfectly well, away from the safety of the side enjoying every minute with a huge smile. My spitfire may only have a prop but effortlessly speeds around ducking and diving without hitting the ground. For me the 30 seconds achieved of perfect gliding, feeling fifteen again and the smiles on my children’s faces make the occasional bruise worth it. Like many parents it is me that needs to learn to let go!

Phuket & Intuition

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I first traveled to Phuket, Thailand in 2003 and so I was intrigued to discover what had changed since then. As it turned out it wasn’t the rough terrain or the busy roads, it was my infrastructure that had evolved most over this 15 years not Thailands after all why change a system that works!

That surge of heat as you leave the plane and walk out into the charming chaos of unfamiliar smells, sights and sounds was still as intriguing. As the mini bus found its space amid the jostling traffic our smiley driver took our luggage and we watched from the window at the street markets and cafe’s closing up for the evening, scooters and bicycles with two or more passengers weaving past in dare devil manoeuvres.

I had stayed in Rawai the first time around with my Mum and it was the most relaxing holiday that I will never forget! Poor Mum wasn’t very well whilst we were there but it didn’t stop us zooming about in a Tuk Tuk or riding elephants! We also had a few days in Bangkok where I had bought a copy of The Alchemist on the Khao San Road. This was a life changing read at the end of a year traveling, the perfect full stop to one chapter of my life and a new ethos of calm karma to carry on my journey.

This time my trip to Thailand combined business with pleasure which was equally if not more exciting. I am no longer seeking my passion or purpose but pursuing it and so it was no surprise that I spent most of the eight hour flight with my laptop open typing away.  A project that I have developed over the last three years I felt was perfect for Thailand and my intuition was right!  Travel always seems to encourage a pivot or acceleration in confidence, focus and determination, which is why I adore it so much. Growth is a craving that I have never relinquished, sometimes to my detriment, my head and heart speed ahead whilst in reality my feet are stock still in the present and as I look back through the time warp willing myself to catch up I wake up to the harsh reality that to move forwards you first have to let go.

Thinking back to my first visit I remember taking the trip with Mum to Kanchanbury Province, The Bridge over the River Kwai, it was a sobering walk through the fields of lost life and the train journey over the rickety bridge seemed almost in vain but a place I will never forget.  The toilet was another interesting memory which made the Aussie long drop seem revolutionary by design!

What we found in Phuket this time was a community of change, a multitude of gyms and boxing arena’s where people had come to better themselves. It was interesting to witness so many who had come to reclaim themselves from the stresses and strains of modern life. They were busy working on number one.

The writing project that I immersed myself in on the plane was so appropriate to the surroundings that when I arrived in Phuket I was almost shocked. Working on yourself is something we can forget to do in the whirlwind of life but how else can we grow? When I came home a friend just happened to forward me a link to recent research that actually backed my writing, my findings, my new book! I couldn’t believe it everything was falling into place, in the present this time!

Peninsula Writing Retreat

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Writers Retreat

Get away from the hustle and bustle of the city and immerse yourself into this secluded weekend retreat. If you would like to find your voice, write your book or create some content, then this is the perfect space to let your creative thoughts run wild and have the experience of a talented teacher guide you through the process.

This 2 night 3 day retreat has limited availability, so don’t miss out!

21st to 23rd September 2018

ONLY $799

Includes:

FRIDAY

What’s Your Story?

Dinner

SATURDAY

Breakfast

Planning & Purpose

Morning Tea

Secrets of the Writing World

Lunch

Threads & Theme’s

Afternoon Tea

Free-time

Dinner

SUNDAY

breakfast

Publishing & Distribution

Morning Tea

Your Story Presentation

Lunch

Farewell until we meet Again!

Package is based on two people sharing a twin room in a four bed apartment and includes pre and post retreat writing consultation.

Contact Lisa Taylor for more details

E: frankiebanks27@gmail.com

W: frankiebanks.com

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