Week 1 – Dry July
To be honest it had been so long since I’d had a whole week without a sip, that it was almost like I was high on oxygen. A bit like dieting after a year of gluttony, that remembered feeling of fasting, ketosis, emptiness. It was nice. I put my psychological safety barriers in place; a fridge full of diet drinks and fizzy water, icey poles and lots of fruit, literally three bags of oranges, it was a mistake on the order but they will come in handy I’m sure!
Just incase the bull took flight I downloaded The Experiment, worth a look, if you too fancy a few days off the grog. A few quick reads of people quitting alcohol and not wanting the whole AA treatment was quite insightful and encouraging. One take away was that a blip or a day when we think we have failed and slip back into an old routine is not a failure it’s a data point. I loved that idea, (not least because I’m studying a science degree). It’s actually a very logical way of looking at something we would usually think of emotionally. We may think of a day where we revert to old easy routines as a mistake or a mess up, if you reframe this into ‘ok what happened there?’, I reckon there would be a lot of data we could extrapolate and work on.
I had a lovely meditation at the beach this week and felt much more grounded in my meditation, the light that I usually concentrate on within my body rushed into my brain for the first time, usually it sits in my stomach or my chest. I also felt like my vision was literally clearer, gazing at the clouds as I like to do, the colours were much more vivid and vital.
Week 2 – Dry July
I ventured out, even to a pub where ordering a lemonade seemed absolutely radical. I can’t remember the last time I ordered a lemonade in a pub, I was probably 12! And it would have been with a packet of salt n vinegar crisps. I mean back in my childhood, shandies (half beer, half lemonade) were a thing for kids, I can remember having shandies a lot they were like a sweet and sour drink. At the time I probably didn’t even know it was alcohol. I progressed to cider pretty quickly which was my staple from about 14 +. I do still love a cider, if not the calories and sugar it involves.
I started to lay into the milkshake food substitutes this week, as I realised on week one of dry July I’d slipped into a sugar craving mode. I don’t mind a protein shake and it always stops me thinking about constantly consuming. I first discovered the shake meal substitutes when I was working in London, they were cheaper than a regular sandwich and they had the added bonus of making me feel lighter. After all there are so many other crutches that life can offer, sweets, ice cream, sorbet, (if like me you pretend there are no calories in sorbet as it’s just sugar and water), oh the list goes on. So the diet shakes are a balance to the very naughty honeycomb chocolate squares I’m sneaking occasionally from the fridge when that glass of wine would usually be in hand.
I started watching Nurse Jackie this week, has every middle aged women got an addiction, I couldn’t help but wonder? Then The Dry is advertised. Confirmation Bias is surrounding me but it’s kind of comforting too, I mean we all need something and thank god I’m not addicted to Oxy!
I tell my partner I’m quite amazed at how well I’m doing, I haven’t even looked at what date August 1st is, I’m just looking forward to my sons birthday a week or so later. In previous years, I would have planned the first of August, or the first of March if I was attempting Feb Fast. This time feels a lot more grown up, more aware.
I’ve started thinking about writing again, my passion, I’ve started painting more, basically expressing more, instead of being subdued, I feel more alive, more switched on, more thoughtful about what each day will hold.
Week 3 – Dry July
I’m not sure why this was the hardest week, I think because I realised we here in the Southern Hemisphere are in the midst of winter, whilst I see wonderful photos of my Fam and other lovely people lapping up the crazy heat in Europe. I started the week full of joy and not wanting to drink but then as it slipped by in a snowball of Uni work, actual work, house work and well what is all this work?! It all piled up and I just wanted to stay in bed and so Saturday was a PJ day, after the wake up at 7.30am for tennis and standing in the freezing cold, after getting the wood up for the fire and walking the dog. But it ended well, a lovely fire, a well earned rest. It was also a nice reminder that exhaustion isn’t only appeased by a glass of wine, comfort comes in many forms.
I was gifted some lemons and grapefruit from a friends garden this week and so as it’s winter and I still have some red wine left in my cupboard, I decided mulled wine was to be made. Not drunk, not yet. I just really fancied that warming smell of cloves and cinnamon, it was delightful and I didn’t even relinquish myself to the temptation. It’s strange that I felt the need to connect with alcohol, almost as a test. It was even on ‘my night’ a night that used to be sacred to me, to celebrate me as a single mum that does nearly everything for her kids, (as most single parents with the majority of custody do). However even on this sacred ME night, with the beautiful aroma of mulled wine simmering in the kitchen, I didn’t slip. I just thought well that will be nice one wintery day in August.
Week 4 – Dry July
It was such a great weekend spent with my children, watching tennis again and the cinema and dinner with my son, I even bought him a whisky and abstained from my usual glass of wine, it wasn’t needed as his company was by far the most warming glow I could have wished for.
Alcohol has always been a part of my life, it’s always been a meeting for a drink, a glass of wine at the end of the day. Even whilst studying, the celebration of finishing an exam, an essay, getting a good result, even whilst studying what alcohol does to the brain, that it literally changes our dna, it changes how our genes are expressed, amazingly this information was still not a deterrent. It is a poison but is it a poison that some of us need to function?