freelance

Dolphins

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We are so lucky to live somewhere that spotting dolphins from the shore whilst walking the dog is a regular occurrence.  The first time I recognised what was happening was a few years ago while I was walking my beautiful kelpie Ray.  All of a sudden Ray spotted a group of seagulls circling the water about 300 meters from the beach, puppy went crazy running up and down barking, what were they doing? I stopped and looked and all of a sudden a fin came out of the water and then another, the dolphins were feeding and the seagulls wanted some freebies!

So now whenever I see a group of gulls a couple of hundred meters from the shore I look for the fins and generally they are there, its a beautiful sight.

Today however was different I spotted the fins as I walked down the cliffs, Ray hadn’t seen them and there were no gulls! I kept looking but they were doing a different dance today, swimming on their backs, swimming on their sides, almost waving at us, but still no gulls, they obviously weren’t feeding.

Then I saw another group and another, there must have been four or five pods of dolphins all playing, I had never seen anything like it and couldn’t take my eyes away from them. It was like they were playing football or basketball, up and down and in a out of the water they swam. Even after our walk as we wandered back up the cliffs they were still at it! Waving and flipping around.

I stood at the top of the cliffs and then I realised what they were doing! Doh! I had a little giggle at these wonderful creatures obviously enjoying themselves enormously. I wanted to tell someone to come and watch with me, it was such a wonderful, beautiful amazing sight. Instead I wandered back to the car and smiled all the way home.

Domestic Violence

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In my life D.V has been prevalent, maybe not glaringly obvious and perhaps not discussed as much as it should be but it’s there in all our lives. To think that I witnessed this as a child in a neighbouring house and thought that it was a funny game scares me as an adult as much as the ‘boogeyman’ scared me as a child. We were so busy looking for Mr Boogeyman that the abuser could hide.

I don’t want my daughter to find herself in a DV relationship wether that be emotionally manipulative, financially manipulative or physically manipulative. The continuous word here is manipulation and that is how it starts and ends.

I thoroughly enjoyed going back to education to study criminal law and D.V was a huge part of that. To learn that 60 percent of crime in Victoria is DV related was astonishing! The phrase ‘eyes wide shut’ springs to mind.

We have a perception that these awful things happen to others or are a socioeconomic problem, however as with drugs and alcohol, DV exists in every socioeconomic situation. Money doesn’t buy sanity, money does try to normalise toxic behaviour.

In my close circle of friends I’ve witnessed DV and ignored it, as I’m sure we all have. In a world where speaking out or POV as my kids would call it is now allowed. Let’s all be aware and if necessary make others aware too. Sometimes we live in a bubble and that bubble needs to be burst.

Cars have been tracked, Microsoft accounts hacked, houses broken into, stalking, financial abuse, emotional manipulation, obsessive behaviour, compulsive behaviour, generally developing from jealousy and insecurity and that’s only what one person has witnessed.

So why am I writing this now? A conversation with a guy whose sister was killed last year in a DV attack. His words made me stop in my tracks and brought a shadow to a normally bright and sunny day.

‘I tried to help and get her out of the situation but she just kept going back’

Helpless and hopeless is all that entered my mind. And yet this guy tried his best, not like most of us that look the other way.

I can’t speak for other violence however I do know that DV is at its most heightened when the victim/survivor pulls away, when the game is slipping away from the perpetrator. This is a critical stage at which support is required in abundance.

It’s on the news every day, it’s actually in our lives every day so before it gets to that point of no return, let’s make sure we know what’s right and wrong in a relationship and NOT let even the slightest manipulative behaviour breed.

Merry Christmas! – more positive posts to come I promise xxx

Existence, Consciousness, Bliss

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Recently, whilst I was knee deep wading through the muddy research of Family Violence this mantra reappeared in my head; Existence, Consciousness, Bliss.

I’ve heard this saying on a few occasions over the years and it has never really resonated with me until recently. Deepak Chopra guided me through Melbourne’s lockdowns with his abundance meditation, a new learning each day and on one of the days this was the mantra; Existence, Consciousness, Bliss. Sat Chit Ananda.

I wrote the mantra on our white board, a reminder that I was growing and that there would be bliss at some point, right now though I had to be conscious! Family Violence was a messy topic to delve into but unfortunately just like drugs and alcohol, family violence plays a huge role in the justice system! One of our lecturers a stern and stoic police sergeant told us that nearly 60-70 percent of crime is Domestic Family Violence related!

It’s true, for the last six Monday’s I’ve studied Murder and Manslaughter and whilst I’m amazed at the short sentences and lack of rehabilitation I’m also disgusted at the lack of victim survivor and family support. It’s true most of the cases I’ve read are FV related. It was shocking at first, now it’s just facts that are overwhelmingly dark; 1 woman killed every week in Australia, most of whom have gone through the courts and taken out an Intervention Order but unfortunately the ‘innocent until proven guilty’ golden thread has stuck fast. Where is the silver lining for the victims? For the perpetrator there is a place of safety in this golden thread but for the victims they have to continue to push the wheelbarrow of evidence up the hill of untrusting public scrutiny only to find they are alone and vulnerable. This is Justice apparently, this is conscious existence but certainly not bliss.

Existence is a place we have all felt, covid lockdown is a place of existence, lockdown can seem like living or consciousness has been eliminated. A prison like perception as many of our freedoms are withdrawn and we retreat into our caves. Many of us not wanting to turn on the news with the realisation that so much of it is fake and that our voices are being censored and ignored.

However the less time we spend in Consciousness the more difficult a place it becomes to inhabit. When being conscious of the world and all of the social struggles that society face, it can be easy to retreat again. However being aware and not hiding in a bubble of materialism, lies or absorption can become enlightening. Can bring Bliss.

Justice is a complex subject which encompasses so many elements, so many unconscious acts of existence. If only bliss was more prevalent for more people, if only people were more conscious of their actions.

Existing is to conform to all of our primitive conditioning, no striving, Just acceptance. Let’s not just accept, be conscious enough to let go and bathe in the bliss that surrounds us all.

Bliss is love and love conquers all. If only we were aware enough to notice! It’s difficult to feel love All of the time. Seeing is believing and we can find glimpses of it in the people around us, in the beautiful sky, ocean and flowers that mirror us, it’s there if our eyes and hearts are open.

 

 

Behind Closed Doors

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Persona

It seems many of us have spent the last ten years creating the most fabulous Facebook personality, the ever positive, always looking on the bright side, never swaying from sanity persona but now we are faced with the real us! Are we the conspiracy theorist, the placid follower or the rebellious vigilante? Are we the next self help guru trying hard to believe our own scripts?

The real life version of our selves has started to reveal itself on social media as we grapple with the global pandemic. It’s interesting to see the shift in persona. Who we are when we’re at home behind closed doors, when the camera is off, the light isn’t hiding the double chin and our eyes aren’t focused in exactly the right direction.  Suddenly this person seems to be visible, this version has uncloaked itself for all to see.

Being house bound during lock down means not dressing up for work and not making our face perfect. So who are you when you are stripped down to your baggy tracksuit, pj’s, dressing gown or jeans n T? For most of us we are the same but maybe with more shadow than light, more critic and less forgiveness. This person also has an opinion, a voice and a public face. Although it might not be the one we all want and hope to see or portray.

Introvert vs Extrovert

 Are these ‘extroverts’ the angry protesters? Or are these extroverts simply introverting the anger of nations until it eventually explodes? We all have an extrovert in us, the one that is all over social media where no real exchange can be given.

The Introvert, one may presume self isolation is more suited, someone who actually enjoys their own company enough to feel energised by it. However presumably this time by themselves means on their own, not surrounded by all the other people in the house self isolating with them!

Extrovert is not necessarily the life and soul of the party but just someone who energises themselves with other people’s company. There is no wrong or right and we all change on a daily basis how introverted or extrovert we feel. Right now neither are probably getting the right degree of energy! Both equally frustrated.

The Self

Whilst we may be stripped back to bare all with no material influences at the moment perhaps that is a good thing.  The blossom tree can be just as beautiful in the winter months, the closed flower as enticing. Perhaps the persona and ego don’t mind taking a back seat once in a while.  Maybe we are realising there is so much more to life than social media and creating a false reality, the self is actually far more interesting!

By Women For Women – Free For Five Days!

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Fictional Memoir

Fictional memoir, what is that? I hear you say! Capote was the master of this writing as far as I am concerned Breakfast at Tiffany’s etc are perfectly written. However, reading the wonderful tales in By Women For Women he has some competition! These stories from life have been woven into laughter, love and pain, expressing the perseverance of pleasure seeking that all women endure.

The Authors of By Women For Women – Book One

By Women For Women

Christine Rogers is a sassy Kiwi whose love of film and creativity is effervescent in her presence.  Her piece ‘Late to the O Party’ is witty and reminiscent of many first dalliances into the big wide world of sex.  Zoe Hull has produced one of the bravest pieces of writing I have read for a very long time. Meeting at Sexpo what seems like a lifetime ago it’s been a pleasure watching the pride in herself and her writing grow.

Angela Stubbs is an incurable romantic and her writing always oozes so much love. It reminds me of Jane Austen meets 20th century Aussie Chick.  Her journals are soon to become a great Australian read.  Carol Middleton is an award winning author and journalist currently working on her memoir Electric Gypsy which sees her searching for a sense of home in a psychedelic lorry.

Continue reading →

Alan Pinkus Published!

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Published Client & Friend! Alan Pinkus

Mr Alan Pinkus shoe designer extraordinaire, poet and great friend has published!

Alan Pinkus is a fashion leader of special occasion ladies shoes in Australia.  The book highlights the ups and downs of Albert Le Stache, the novels  main character as he navigates life.

Congratulations!

To read more about my other clients and projects please click here and to read Alan’s novel Sole to Soul can be purchased here. 

Alan Pinkus and Frankie Banks

Published! Glen

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I’m so excited that Glen is now published! It’s been an amazing ride for Glen, whilst writing his book he moved his business and family from Melbourne to Beverley Hills! His book is well worth a read if you want to swot up on your sales, networking and business skills, not to mention spotting the famous celebs! It was a pleasure to help him get this book off the ground. Buy his book here.

Read more about my other projects by clicking here

Congratulations Glen it’s been a pleasure to work with you!

The Wife

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I realised whilst trying to stuff three passports into my now tiny purse that traveling with children required a little more organisation and concentration than by myself. I had been flying all over for work solo, trying to keep the dollars rolling in but the last time I flew with my children was as a family. As a wife.

The last significant trip, my first as a single Mum was our road trip heading to Alice Springs. We hadn’t reached Alice as on route I had broken down, myself that is not the car! Realising I was not traveling to any destination with these two beautiful children but simply running away from a life I could no longer endure.

What a difference a year makes! On this current trip I have just filed for divorce, the nitty, gritty and yes shitty negotiations are finally over. It seemed with an open heart and mind that we both stood in the kitchen and confided our now much more complicated love lives!

Saying goodbye to Melbourne 2018, definitely the hardest year of my life, where my heart, head and body have endured fight after fight I enjoyed the flight to Thailand immensely, escape! I drank red wine and ate cheese and biscuits whilst watching The Wife with Glen Close. The Wife, something that in one months time I will no longer be. The feeling of loss and failure has now, thank goodness deserted me and I am dreaming of new, exciting possibilities, new passionate writing projects, exploring new places and spending lots of nights snuggled on the sofa with my wonderful kids. As a single woman, an independent woman, controlled only by my thoughts and my actions.

The Wife was a perfect examination of control, power, enabling and selfish behaviors. Neither person could just let each other be, continuous games; exhausting the other with a very confused (grown up) child caught in the middle. It didn’t remind me of my own marriage (hopefully we got out before that set in!) but of February when I lost my own self control and passion for life. My breast became very uncomfortable and after many scans resulting in a comedy horror core biopsy the pain did not disperse. I was supposed to be happy that cancer had not been found but I was still in so much pain I could not find any consolation in the results. The continuous fight with the pain, the doctors and being controlled by this ‘core biopsy’ was humiliating and exhausting. I found myself asking if the psychology of wrestling with my core beliefs through divorce was actually presenting itself physically. The answer was inexplicably yes to me! Surely this was the punishment I had to endure. Like all things it came to an end eventually I’m glad it’s over.

Sitting in the middle of my two wonderful children on the plane I felt everything was right; my boy scoffing everything from the menu, watching every teen flick and my girl snuggled tightly into me there was everything to be grateful for. There is nothing more a mother could want than two happy, healthy children and the assault course of the year drifted away.

Could this really be a light, perhaps even a rainbow emerging from the dark tunnel of 2018?

There is a new saying I see everywhere at the moment ‘I can only control My thoughts and My behaviours.’ I love it, I don’t need to be in control of anything else. I wonder if this saying will inspire a new wave of relationships, a new wave of taking control of yourself first before worrying about what others are doing.

Freedom! A scary word for some but personally I can’t wait! Bring on 2019.

Let them Fall and Fail

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I don’t often comment on parenting because we all know how bloody difficult it is to get it right. However a lesson shared might just be a lesson learnt!

Thanks to my big brother (who after talking about it for five years finally came to visit me in Aus) my children have taken up roller skating and I have returned, (after almost 25 years!).

I don’t mind admitting it was pretty scary putting those skates back on and realising you are not quite as agile as you were at 15! Skating was one of the easiest things I can remember doing as a kid so why was it so difficult now? Ha ha fear! Fear of of falling over, fear of failure.

My teenage boy got the hang of it almost immediately and my youngest clung eagerly to the side occasionally getting her confidence and then legs going in opposite directions like Bambi she would pull herself up and start all over again, with determination.

‘C’mon Mum speed up’ called my eldest

‘It’s ok for you you’re like a spitfire, I’m an old jumbo jet!’ I muttered feeling every muscle tighten and every wobble, wobble. On his second time lapping me he returned;

‘Mum a spitfire just has a prop, jumbo jets have twin turbo engines, you have more power than me!’

I laughed. They are always so much wiser, I never stop learning from my beautiful babies.

As adults we have been conditioned that ‘falling over’ is embarrassing and scary. The fear of falling or failing is what prevents us but the act of falling or failing is actually what propels us to succeed.

A strange site to see were the parents walking onto the rink with their kids holding both of their hands and not letting them go, a whole hour of walking around in circles. Oh how I wish I could hold their hands forever and never let them into a world I’m still trying to understand, a world that still hurts and confuses me but equally brings such pleasure when you least expect it. I wish I could take their knocks for them but then what would they learn? We have to let our children fall over and fail and get back up because that’s life!

After four or five visits to the rink my youngest is skating around perfectly well, away from the safety of the side enjoying every minute with a huge smile. My spitfire may only have a prop but effortlessly speeds around ducking and diving without hitting the ground. For me the 30 seconds achieved of perfect gliding, feeling fifteen again and the smiles on my children’s faces make the occasional bruise worth it. Like many parents it is me that needs to learn to let go!

Phuket & Intuition

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I first traveled to Phuket, Thailand in 2003 and so I was intrigued to discover what had changed since then. As it turned out it wasn’t the rough terrain or the busy roads, it was my infrastructure that had evolved most over this 15 years not Thailands after all why change a system that works!

That surge of heat as you leave the plane and walk out into the charming chaos of unfamiliar smells, sights and sounds was still as intriguing. As the mini bus found its space amid the jostling traffic our smiley driver took our luggage and we watched from the window at the street markets and cafe’s closing up for the evening, scooters and bicycles with two or more passengers weaving past in dare devil manoeuvres.

I had stayed in Rawai the first time around with my Mum and it was the most relaxing holiday that I will never forget! Poor Mum wasn’t very well whilst we were there but it didn’t stop us zooming about in a Tuk Tuk or riding elephants! We also had a few days in Bangkok where I had bought a copy of The Alchemist on the Khao San Road. This was a life changing read at the end of a year traveling, the perfect full stop to one chapter of my life and a new ethos of calm karma to carry on my journey.

This time my trip to Thailand combined business with pleasure which was equally if not more exciting. I am no longer seeking my passion or purpose but pursuing it and so it was no surprise that I spent most of the eight hour flight with my laptop open typing away.  A project that I have developed over the last three years I felt was perfect for Thailand and my intuition was right!  Travel always seems to encourage a pivot or acceleration in confidence, focus and determination, which is why I adore it so much. Growth is a craving that I have never relinquished, sometimes to my detriment, my head and heart speed ahead whilst in reality my feet are stock still in the present and as I look back through the time warp willing myself to catch up I wake up to the harsh reality that to move forwards you first have to let go.

Thinking back to my first visit I remember taking the trip with Mum to Kanchanbury Province, The Bridge over the River Kwai, it was a sobering walk through the fields of lost life and the train journey over the rickety bridge seemed almost in vain but a place I will never forget.  The toilet was another interesting memory which made the Aussie long drop seem revolutionary by design!

What we found in Phuket this time was a community of change, a multitude of gyms and boxing arena’s where people had come to better themselves. It was interesting to witness so many who had come to reclaim themselves from the stresses and strains of modern life. They were busy working on number one.

The writing project that I immersed myself in on the plane was so appropriate to the surroundings that when I arrived in Phuket I was almost shocked. Working on yourself is something we can forget to do in the whirlwind of life but how else can we grow? When I came home a friend just happened to forward me a link to recent research that actually backed my writing, my findings, my new book! I couldn’t believe it everything was falling into place, in the present this time!