Since the beginning of Covid-19 the one thing we can all keep doing as part of a healthy routine is a daily walk. Mentally this is my me time when I can let go of any frustrations and well I guess we all have a few of those right now!
Ray (my one year old kelpie) loves the beach, especially the seagulls, the sticks and all of the amazing smells. During our self isolation every bugger imaginable has decided to use the beach near me so I may as well share the love!
Like some Mum’s I have to confess that I was looking forward to ‘home school’. Staying safe at home from the outbreak of covid 19 seemed like a brilliant idea and a nice break from trying to get a park every morning whilst my daughter tells me;
‘Terrible parking again Mum!’
Fictional memoir, what is that? I hear you say! Capote was the master of this writing as far as I am concerned Breakfast at Tiffany’s etc are perfectly written. However, reading the wonderful tales in By Women For Women he has some competition! These stories from life have been woven into laughter, love and pain, expressing the perseverance of pleasure seeking that all women endure.
Christine Rogers is a sassy Kiwi whose love of film and creativity is effervescent in her presence. Her piece ‘Late to the O Party’ is witty and reminiscent of many first dalliances into the big wide world of sex. Zoe Hull has produced one of the bravest pieces of writing I have read for a very long time. Meeting at Sexpo what seems like a lifetime ago it’s been a pleasure watching the pride in herself and her writing grow.
Angela Stubbs is an incurable romantic and her writing always oozes so much love. It reminds me of Jane Austen meets 20th century Aussie Chick. Her journals are soon to become a great Australian read. Carol Middleton is an award winning author and journalist currently working on her memoir Electric Gypsy which sees her searching for a sense of home in a psychedelic lorry.
Dracula on NetflixThe BBC adaption of Dracula on Netflix is a fantastic example of dry, witty humour. Sharp and intelligent the Nun makes a mockery of the now seemingly silly Dracula.
“I’m just another woman trapped in a loveless marriage trying to keep a roof over my head” said the Nun to Dracula upon her failing faith.
Monsters and vampires do not exist! However quite possibly worse are the many people who can drain the life out of you. Dracula’s, manipulators, ar$eh@les whatever you want to call them definitely do exist. Wether they are conscious of their behaviour or not, it can sometimes be all too easy to get sucked into their drama. Just like Dracula the drama is normally fictitious and will drag you down just quick enough for them to sink their teeth in!
Learning not to be reactive is a life long pursuit but recognising our reactions and emotions can be easier. Learning not to dance with the devil or flirt with a blood sucker can be as simple as that.
Another great quote on this subject that I came by this week;
‘You can’t be diagnosed with depression if you are surrounded by ar$eh@les’
It took me by surprise as the professional in question was not addressing myself, I felt like I was eavesdropping. Sometimes we can let our mood be driven not by our own thoughts and emotions but by those pressed upon us by media or conversation, friends and relatives.
I hope the ar$eh@les and Dracula’s are busy sleeping in their coffins as you go about your business today! If you find them swooping past hoping for a bite then quickly change your behaviour. You are in control or your thoughts, emotions and actions.
Read more about my experience with a bat in my kitchen by clicking here
“Behaviour is often taken as evidence of identity or capability, and this is how confidence and competence are destroyed in the classroom. Getting a sum wrong does not mean you are stupid or that you are poor at maths. To think this is to confuse logic, it is equivalent to thinking a ‘No Smoking’ sign in the cinema applies to the characters in the film” Joseph O Connor & John Seymour: Introducing NLP (Element 2002).
Everyone needs a platform for their writing and finding the right fit for your time, genre, cashflow, audience and I.T capabilities can be difficult.
Three weeks into teaching at my local U3A and there is a group of very interesting and interested writers some using Instagram for the first time, some creating blogs on WordPress and one group have published on Amazon, yes in just three weeks!
Instagram was a keen favorite with some individuals because it is what it says, instant! It is also very simple to use, set up and a great way to share excerpts and blogs.
When the course started there were some conversations about not being computer savvy but that was simply confidence that needed building.
Teaching is a pleasure when the recipient is responsive and that is obviously a result of teaching what is relevant and creating confidence.
Well this is an old post and I honestly can’t remember if at the time I published something similar however I’m pleased to say my faith was rewarded. We must go skating more often!
Skate night often turns into truth night in our house as we rush to get there after school, the conversation in the back of the car is an unloading of the day’s events, achievements and disappointments.
‘I think I will try to have lower expectations of other people’ My son exclaimed as the sunshine and showers followed us along the highway.
‘Ha! You have no idea my boy’ this was all I could muster after a difficult week, dealing with divorce, lawyers and colliding morals and ethics.
‘No!’ My beautiful wide eyed daughter answered ‘you have to believe in people!’
‘You certainly need to have high expectations of yourself’ I chipped in.
My children’s conversation echoed my thoughts after nearly two years of trying to find a way for the three of us to stay in our family home.
‘You just simply can’t afford this house!’
‘If I divorce my wife certainly wouldn’t get the house all she’s done is look after the kids’ – this was a potential financial advisor that wanted my custom!!
‘Go and get a proper job’ – No I don’t want to be gone from my children for 10 hours a day!
Over this time it has been hard not to lose faith in a world that seems to have lost faith in me.
My determination to stay in our home is not a selfish whim but simply after five moves in five years I believe my children deserve to have a family home and I know that I have worked hard to try to achieve this. This is why I have Airbnb’d the place, why I sit most evenings on the sofa with my kids, my laptop next to me working hard to send my hourly invoices out.
Soon I will know my fate. I believe I will stay in this house with my children because I have faith in my own ability to do so, I will not change my faith and belief in humanity even when positive reinforcement seems a far cry from my immediate needs, I will also continue my writing and share success spiritually, psychologically and physically with my wonderful writing friends because that is why I’ve changed my life so that I can smile at the world even when they are frowning at me!
I couldn’t believe it when I stumbled across my favourite childhood writer Roald Dahl writing in the genre of eroticism!
Published as a collection of short stories in 2016 going back to 1945 I couldn’t help feeling these were true tales from a writers life, rather than his norm of fiction they felt like diary entries! Could RD have written these as fictional memoir?
At first I thought him stuffy in his opinions around women and sex but I realised that was as much about the era these stories were written in than the opinions of the writer himself. I always think of Jane Austen and how she would have written sex scenes; I would want her to be fully expressive but the reality is there is no way she could be.
Touring with Sexpo opened my eyes to the eyes wide shut, so many surrounded by sex and yet still whispering about the glaringly obvious.
How fantastic of Mr Fox to write in a genre so opposed to his norm of youth and yet did he actually want these published? Were they personal scripts? It does beg the question who has the right to publish your work?
It paints a very different vision of this revered man, I’m not sure I’ll be sharing these books with my daughter even when she does turn 21!
Check them out!
In this instant age will writing become a thing of the past? I do hope not but for many it certainly is no longer a pastime for healing or self reflection. Has writing become another instant recognition process, another ‘like’, whilst telling the world what you believe they want to hear?
Writing is a soft approach to expel emotion and create order, it’s an effective way to make decisions, plan and dream. It’s a wonderful story telling device that can help dissolve the prejudices of old or the competing, calculative new. Of course writing is an education for the giver and taker; writer and reader, even if they are one and the same.
Nowadays writing isn’t about putting pen to paper it’s about lists on your phone, creating content on your pad or typing on your laptop, even dictating an email. There are so many new ways to write surely it should be a growing culture not a declining one!
When writing a memoir, diary, notes or simply scribbling some sentences, it gets the nonsense out of our head and heart. Creating space for new conversations, curiosity and inquiries, it helps us grow internally but who can see that gain?
Whilst recently editing for a client this particular person repeated ‘along the way’ continuously through an interview, I enjoyed how gentle and soothing those three words were. He was one of the worlds top psychologists and obviously very conscious of his diction and how it affects himself and others. If only we could all be that mindful, it must take a lot of practice.
Perhaps you will release a new memory from writing something forgotten for so long that you now wonder if it’s fiction or fact. It’s out of you now, on paper to read or burn, to keep hidden or share with loved ones.
A substitution of descriptions can sometimes give new perspective to situations that have been so welded into our beliefs that they have stopped us or even made us retreat. Why not rewrite your history if it will help propel you forward?
Creating our own dictionary for life that is forever evolving is the production of reading and writing. Occasionally we need to reread to ensure it’s as close to reality as we want to get and as encouraging to our well being as possible.
Creating our own worlds from words is what we learn from childhood to do and sometimes we need to rewrite these words, rewrite our world. As it changes and grows so too does our vocabulary. Culling some of the less invigorating or creating more positive sentences to tell ourselves and others can literally change lives, writing those words down can change the world around us.
When you don’t have love in your life it can be a very lonely existence. I’m sure we have all been there, feeling alone and shut out. Sharing my heart, reciprocated or not has always been a joy to me. I find so much pleasure in giving that in the past I have found myself exhausted.
However what I am getting better at is reading what I receive in return for the energy I put into people. Obviously the exchange is not always what they think it should be and some do not want exchange at all. That’s ok you can have a taste of my world and my love but I now know when to retract my love and let you go. I will never give to receive but I will never give endlessly either. Energy is precious.
It is extraordinary to think that people don’t want to experience love and are intent on vicious circles of anger, resentment and bitterness. Maybe it’s been some time since they experienced love or perhaps they have given up on the idea, been rejected or worse.
When my children were born one of the biggest lessons as a new Mum was that these beautiful bundles of joy only ever mirrored my emotions. When I was upset so were they, when I was happy so were they, when I was frustrated guess what…
People are mirrors and we need to be careful what, why and when we project our emotions.
Project what you want to receive!
I have to admit that I thought Mums who went back to work within 3 months of their children being born were Selfish. I’m talking about Mums that didn’t need to go back to work for cash reasons.
My perspective has changed so much! Now I know what it is to be passionate about your work and have true purpose for yourself. Life is about choices and realising that you are in charge of them and can make anything happen! You do not have to follow your family’s footprints or your friends ideals.
I loved my time with my babies, for the first seven or eight years of their life I was consumed by them. Sometimes life took over and when stresses were high I have to admit I had limited outlets but that is no fault but my own. We all choose the path we follow.
Having spent seven years in the city working and playing hard then having chosen to be a stay at home Mum not surprisingly my income capabilities changed dramatically. I still worked part-time, book keeping and Chairing a Playgroup kept me busy. I also studied Interior Design and Feng Shui, ultimately I had ‘me time’ but it wasn’t a passion and my purpose was my love; being Mum.
When I work away from home now I go with such intent that I am focused on my rewards, my children are always there with me in my heart but I have a purpose that is so different to the caring, loving Mum. I come home and fall in love with my children all over again and it just makes our connection stronger. I can see them from a new perspective now one that wants them to grow in all of the directions that I have and many, many more.
What has been an invaluable learning from the changes in my life is that what works for one family doesn’t necessarily work for another but that doesn’t make it wrong. We all have our own way of making a cup of tea, when you can sit back and appreciate the taste of difference you know you are accepting all the colours of life.
I love my work and I love my children, maybe women can have it all!