editing

Unconditional Positive Regard

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Carl Rogers came up with this theory of Unconditional Positive Regard being one of the founders of humanistic psychology.

Wouldn’t it be Absolutely Amazing if everyone gave each other this Kind of regard. Of course Mr Rogers was talking about in a clinical setting and not everyday life because surely that would be impossible wouldn’t it?

Not when I’m driving to work and negatively commenting on everyone else’s driving techniques which are obviously far worse than mine!

Not when the school sends ridiculous emails or messages about students and I wonder incredulous at how disorganised they seem to be, not in fact realising I have never and would never want to try to organise over 1000 hormonal teens, two is quite enough thank you!

Not when my dog is running on the beach being the silly boy he is and another family walk towards us, ‘here we go’ I think. Unconditional positive regard couldn’t be further from my thoughts; will they put their dog on a lead just that second too late so that I can’t catch pup, maybe I’ll put him on a lead now so that can’t happen, maybe they’ll want a play, maybe the other dog is aggressive, maybe I should just turn around and walk the other way. Generally I’ll put him back on the lead to avoid confrontation.

Occasionally unconditional positive regard is met and the dogs have a lovely play and when ready both owners walk away happy that their dog has been happily social.

Occasionally on my way to work someone will give way, or I will give way to them and we will acknowledge each other with a friendly smile or wave.

Occasionally I will be so impressed with the way the school has included our children in social or academic programs that perhaps they wouldn’t normally have the chance to do that I will send an email or go in and talk to them about what a good job they are doing.

Occasionally isn’t really good enough but it’s a start at trying to project unconditional positive regard to my fellow humans.

The Humble Dick Pic

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I happen to be single at the moment which invariably means men send me pics of their dick.  To say that this first happened a year or so after I had split up from my husband, would be a lie. However, it was the first time that I took it seriously. It seemed like an invitation of sorts.

Oh how I wonder if Jane Austen would giggle with glee. Her eyes wide with anticipation when opening the hand written invitation to the next debutant ball, (no envelope knives please Jane!) only to envisage the engorged phallus.  Probably a pencil drawing do you think?  Maybe that’s why those girls were always so giggly, we think we invented the dick pic, ha it’s been going on for centuries!? Respondez S’il Vous Plait.

So how does someone rsvp to a dick pic? It’s hard enough getting the head tilt right to eliminate the double chin in a selfie, let alone any other posing. It probably takes a lot of effort but I still tend to get distracted by the surroundings; he could of picked up the towel from the floor! Although I’m glad he showered first, that shows consideration…

My first serial dick picker for want of a better term, (continuous dick pics for about three years) was a South American stripper, extremely built body, abs upon abs. I would try and ignore the pics and use words instead to communicate with this glorious individual (whom I had met on one occasion) but these words would fall short, go nowhere, chatting would stop and a few months later the pics would reappear. Then one day the dick pics stopped, I was dismayed, I was no longer being invited to the ball! What had happened? I stalked him on socials and there seemed to be no change in his situation.  He had just given up. I was quite sad, not Jane Austen sitting by the window looking longingly out over the fields waiting for the sound of galloping hooves kinda sad but have another vodka and jump back on tinder kinda sad.

Now that I am actively looking (for a partner not a dick pic), they are coming thick and fast, quite literally, it is not just a pic now, it is a recording, oh how technology advances in the blink of an eye!  I have stopped being shocked or alarmed and instead my brain responds with a good Aussie phrase ‘good on ya mate!’ It’s his body and he’s proud, there are no underage anyone being forced to do anything and I can always press delete or block. It is sometimes titillating and amusing and some effort has gone into these clips, so much action, gyration yet still able to keep the camera angle just right. I have found a new respect and my response, when encouragement is the desired effect is a negligee pic, no genitalia, no peeking anything, just good old fashioned heaving cleavage, Jane would be proud.

Memoir

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Frankie BanksWhy Write Memoir?

Many people have kept journals throughout their life, a memoir. Perhaps over a period of travel, a period of change or a period of trauma. Some people write in their journal every day. These writings can easily be turned into a book of memoir. But why? And who would read it? Would you really want your nearest and dearest to?

Have you ever found one of your relatives diaries or letters? It’s always so intriguing to read a family members point of view on love or death, on the big subjects rarely discussed.  That is why you should publish for others to learn; a new viewpoint, a different way of life, even experience a by gone era.

Family History

Family are generally much more forgiving than we give them credit for and they really do want to know the family secrets, even if that secret is merely just a different perspective.

Families over generations sometimes follow the same trends and where that stems from is always interesting.  Websites such as ancestry.com encourage us to delve deeper into our family history but where do we put this information? Do we put it in a bottom draw hoping someone will find it or do we self publish it and help the story to live and breathe.

Fictional Memoir

Capote is most famous for writing fictional memoir. Some memories are too traumatic to simply publish with complete truth and some writers also like to provide some discreet cover by way of fictional memoir.  Sticking to the plot of what happened but perhaps renaming or reshaping some sequences so as not to offend can be ideal. It’s your story after all, it’s your perspective, you can write it however you see fit!

Memoir Memories as Therapy

Writing memories as memoir is also a proven therapy known as written exposure therapy. In conjunction with a therapist this is one of the best known ways to deal with post traumatic stress disorder. I would argue that in varying degrees we have all overcome or suffered from a traumatic experience at some point in our lives. With or without guidance we can all write the wrongs.

In conclusion memoir helps our families to understand and learn about their history, it helps us to move forward from trauma and it helps anyone who reads to widen their perspective and maybe write their own story one day. So what are you waiting for?

If you would like some help with your writing or getting published please email me at frankiebanks27@gmail.com

Learning And Sharing

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“Behaviour is often taken as evidence of identity or capability, and this is how confidence and competence are destroyed in the classroom. Getting a sum wrong does not mean you are stupid or that you are poor at maths. To think this is to confuse logic, it is equivalent to thinking a ‘No Smoking’ sign in the cinema applies to the characters in the film” Joseph O Connor & John Seymour: Introducing NLP (Element 2002).

Everyone needs a platform for their writing and finding the right fit for your time, genre, cashflow, audience and I.T capabilities can be difficult.

Three weeks into teaching at my local U3A and there is a group of very interesting and interested writers some using Instagram for the first time, some creating blogs on WordPress and one group have published on Amazon, yes in just three weeks!

Instagram was a keen favorite with some individuals because it is what it says, instant! It is also very simple to use, set up and a great way to share excerpts and blogs.

When the course started there were some conversations about not being computer savvy but that was simply confidence that needed building.

Teaching is a pleasure when the recipient is responsive and that is obviously a result of teaching what is relevant and creating confidence.

 

Why Write?

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In this instant age will writing become a thing of the past? I do hope not but for many it certainly is no longer a pastime for healing or self reflection. Has writing become another instant recognition process, another ‘like’, whilst telling the world what you believe they want to hear?

Writing is a soft approach to expel emotion and create order, it’s an effective way to make decisions, plan and dream. It’s a wonderful story telling device that can help dissolve the prejudices of old or the competing, calculative new. Of course writing is an education for the giver and taker; writer and reader, even if they are one and the same.

Nowadays writing isn’t about putting pen to paper it’s about lists on your phone, creating content on your pad or typing on your laptop, even dictating an email. There are so many new ways to write surely it should be a growing culture not a declining one!

When writing a memoir, diary, notes or simply scribbling some sentences, it gets the nonsense out of our head and heart. Creating space for new conversations, curiosity and inquiries, it helps us grow internally but who can see that gain?

Whilst recently editing for a client this particular person repeated ‘along the way’ continuously through an interview, I enjoyed how gentle and soothing those three words were. He was one of the worlds top psychologists and obviously very conscious of his diction and how it affects himself and others. If only we could all be that mindful, it must take a lot of practice.

Perhaps you will release a new memory from writing something forgotten for so long that you now wonder if it’s fiction or fact. It’s out of you now, on paper to read or burn, to keep hidden or share with loved ones.

A substitution of descriptions can sometimes give new perspective to situations that have been so welded into our beliefs that they have stopped us or even made us retreat. Why not rewrite your history if it will help propel you forward?

Creating our own dictionary for life that is forever evolving is the production of reading and writing. Occasionally we need to reread to ensure it’s as close to reality as we want to get and as encouraging to our well being as possible.

Creating our own worlds from words is what we learn from childhood to do and sometimes we need to rewrite these words, rewrite our world. As it changes and grows so too does our vocabulary. Culling some of the less invigorating or creating more positive sentences to tell ourselves and others can literally change lives, writing those words down can change the world around us.

So Excited! Sharks and Lovers Australia

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Sexpo was so exciting and carrying on that momentum is my second book which isn’t what I thought it would be, nothing is right?

I wrote around 70,000 words for book two knowing I would edit and probably be left with a 50,000 word novella. In the end I decided to halve the book and keep it solely in Australia and so Sharks & Lovers Australia is born. 

I finished the mechanical edit getting that out of the way before making sure that the black cat gets remembered throughout the whole book…(btw there is no black cat). In the substantive edit I realised all my characters are heading for Perth from their current locations of Kakadu, N.T and Melbourne.

Set in Australia book two draws on my travels in my twenties as well as some factional realities of my time in Bayside, Melbourne. I’m hoping this book will encourage more travel for Frankie B around this amazing country.  Bendigo, Adelaide and Perth in the last few weeks just isn’t enough, I want more.  

On Friday as if by magic my question was answered when I was invited to BrisbaneSexpo in August. Yippee!

Please comment below for a free e-book of book two or email Me now.

Thanks for your support especially from the troops I know are listening to the writers I know that are encouraging me, the readers that propel me and my friends and family who give me strength on this crazy ride. Thanks xx 

Reflections

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What an amazing year! My first book published and distributors knocking at the door! Wonderful clients who teach me so much and fabulous new friends and colleagues who enrich this journey.

Next year will see my second book published, writing workshops, more fantastic clients to help work on their books and another Sexpo. I’m sure other exciting projects will come along too, I just cannot wait!

My new workshops will include;

 

 

 

Continue reading →

Front & Back Cover

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My book is at the printers, it’s so exciting! I can’t wait to get my hands on it however I had a huge reality check when I realised the back cover did not sell the book at all, it just explained the characters.  It had to change, three drafts later and this is what I ended up with, I’ll probably do a few more changes but it’s getting there!