psychology

Unconditional Positive Regard

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Carl Rogers came up with this theory of Unconditional Positive Regard being one of the founders of humanistic psychology.

Wouldn’t it be Absolutely Amazing if everyone gave each other this Kind of regard. Of course Mr Rogers was talking about in a clinical setting and not everyday life because surely that would be impossible wouldn’t it?

Not when I’m driving to work and negatively commenting on everyone else’s driving techniques which are obviously far worse than mine!

Not when the school sends ridiculous emails or messages about students and I wonder incredulous at how disorganised they seem to be, not in fact realising I have never and would never want to try to organise over 1000 hormonal teens, two is quite enough thank you!

Not when my dog is running on the beach being the silly boy he is and another family walk towards us, ‘here we go’ I think. Unconditional positive regard couldn’t be further from my thoughts; will they put their dog on a lead just that second too late so that I can’t catch pup, maybe I’ll put him on a lead now so that can’t happen, maybe they’ll want a play, maybe the other dog is aggressive, maybe I should just turn around and walk the other way. Generally I’ll put him back on the lead to avoid confrontation.

Occasionally unconditional positive regard is met and the dogs have a lovely play and when ready both owners walk away happy that their dog has been happily social.

Occasionally on my way to work someone will give way, or I will give way to them and we will acknowledge each other with a friendly smile or wave.

Occasionally I will be so impressed with the way the school has included our children in social or academic programs that perhaps they wouldn’t normally have the chance to do that I will send an email or go in and talk to them about what a good job they are doing.

Occasionally isn’t really good enough but it’s a start at trying to project unconditional positive regard to my fellow humans.

Responsible Control

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Fate vs Free Will

Can we split the whole world into two camps? Those who think they are responsible and in control for the things that happen to them and those who believe it’s all just luck. Is the answer to all of life’s psychological games simply the question, do you take responsibility? Fate vs free will.

As much as we do take responsibility we know there is a certain degree of luck that is required in this life. What if you sat back more and let things just happen, would the result be the same? Those who strive and take pride in their work and relationships will succeed more often than those who just let life unfold, surely?

Control

‘I can only control my thoughts and my actions’

Responsibilities are sometimes weighty and can feel like a lot of pressure but also a pride can be taken in them.  Personally I have a love/hate relationship with control. Freedom to me is running through a field of tall grass, booking a plane ticket on a whim, basically doing the opposite of what is expected. Well that’s not very responsible is it! Is that why it feels so good?

The way our conditioning controls us and holds us responsible is sometimes the weight of power that determines our actions. There’s no room for dreams in responsible land. But what if being responsible enables dreams, buying that house enables you to buy another house and eventually live in your ‘dream’ home.  Going to school enables your dreams to come true, to work in a city, to get the big shot job that enables you to live by the beach and surf every weekend.

Some people take responsibility too seriously and some seem to have spent their whole life without it ever even brushing past them, never even stood close enough to feel its heavy breath. Perhaps though that is just a perception and they are the swans whose skinny legs are frantically taking responsibility for the enormous weight they feel at sea level.

Unconsciously Conscious

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Triggers or Tripped

Fascinated by Jung’s theory of the collective unconscious or autonomous psyche I ponder (generally whilst staring into the fire) are there triggers in our life for the autonomous psyche to kick in? Is the collective unconscious the reason for what some people perceive as irrational behavior? However surely it is the most rational if it is predetermined?

Now there are so many choices about which direction to move in that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t just ahead it surrounds us in a plethora of colours and angles which road do you take? The road less traveled is really the road traveled time and time again by the feet of ancestors.

‘It is the matrix of all conscious psychic occurrences, and hence it exerts an influence that compromises the freedom of consciousness in the highest degree, since it is continually striving to lead all conscious processes back into the old paths.’

Jung – “The Significance of Constitution and Heredity in Psychology” (November 1929).

Really there is no choice to make your collective unconscious will tell you the path to take. That’s if you can take the time to switch off from the conscious.