writing

BEAUTIFUL TRAUMA -Waiting for the Curtain to Fall

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What a bloody awesome title for a tour! Is trauma what inspires all creatives?

When my little girl chose PINK last term as her hero to write a school project about I was blown away with pride that she had chosen someone who follows her own rules, not societies and is such a strong, powerful woman. So even though pennies were tight as single mum, status was in full swing I swallowed the overdraft and bought tickets for her birthday.

We started to research PINK together, I had grown up with her songs and watched her be the antipiode of Britney Spears and Christine Aguellera.  This girl wasn’t prouncing around in school uniforms, it was clear her music was more important than her media. Also what became quite apparent was that it was the break up of her parents that inspired her to start writing, quite apt! Her words were what inspired me to stop and listen and (even though apparently I get most of them wrong, according to my beautiful little girl) it would seem that is what inspires her too.

We took the train into town and walked to Rod Laver Arena from Richmond, a nice stroll as dusk set in and we waited for the doors to open …. and then another hour for the inside doors to open, anticipation building!

I have always wanted seats near the stage at a concert and so when I saw they were available online I couldn’t believe it! I wanted so much for this to be the best experience for my daughter.  However, when we sat down the stage was completely obscured by a hanging curtain.  Immediately dread took over both of us, we wouldn’t be able to see anything. I tried to placate the situation by explaining PINK does alot of acrobatics and wouldn’t just be standing on the stage singing. However everyone in our seating section was having similar gloomy conversations. Then the supporting artist came on and our suspicions were confirmed we couldn’t see a thing! Even the tv screen was positioned directly above our heads and so didn’t help.

My heart sank as her smile turned to a frown after all the ups and downs of the last eighteen months I just wanted one perfect night with my little girl and I couldn’t even get that right!

Frustration turned to determination and I realised that we could see behind the curtain back stage and I told my baby I thought I could see Pink. Then we saw her with her little girl, huge ear defenders on, this lifted our spirits. We could see all the dancers stretching in their lycra and Pink giving her daughter the biggest hug.

Then the huge curtain dropped and we were ten feet away from this awesome woman belting her songs out, her heart out! My little girl beamed with joy and I simply wiped the tears away.

The Last Hour of Sexpo

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In the thirteenth hour at 11.45pm I am asked ‘What is your book really about? I’m interested in the psychology’ this wonderful Russian man enveloped me with his deep brown eyes. Sexpo can sometimes be an astounding assault on the senses with music coming at you from all directions, semi-naked people jiggling around all over the place so making eye contact can be the most important connection, well isn’t it always?

Immediately I was brought back to the whole reason I write because of Jung, because of Self, Persona, Anima, Ego and Shadow and so I explained as he nodded in agreement.

‘I knew it, I knew this was deep’ he said, ‘people think clever is up here’ he says pointing to his head. ‘But clever is to feel how can you know something unless you feel it’ .

Well that certainly won my 85% emotional self! It was great to be brought back to the heart of my writing. I have struggled with my emotional self this last year as a single Mum trying hard to ignite my logical thinking and leave emotional ‘Mummy’ on the doorstep.  Having the luxury of diving back into my creativity was simply divine.

I met some fantastic people sitting opposite the laporium, watching the ‘Sharks’ inviting the ‘Lovers’ into their lair. My ‘Write Your Book In A Weekend’ seminar drew passionate professionals to me in a focused group realising their dreams of driving better sex education, initiating intimacy and sharing stories of abuse. All shedding light on what perhaps has been their dark.

Meeting two beautifully brave men was a highlight as they told me about their prostate cancer which resulted in zero sex life, a sobering yet inspiring moment. ‘I told him about it, told him what to watch out for and then a few months later he had it too!’ Wow they really were friends for life! ‘He still has a wife!’ he told me as his friend shook his head and the frustration built from his toes to his ears. ‘It’s difficult’

The ‘Yoni’ wave of self love was in full swing and it was great to witness women teaching women about self pleasure, self love and happiness enriching the Sexpo conversation.

I left Sydney Sexpo realising my creative self had been neglected of late. I need to get stuck into producing my third book and finishing my fourth.

Within a couple of weeks of returning home I met with Dennis Jones to discuss International Book Distribution and received the most beautiful bouquet and champagne from my fabulous client Glen Coutinho!  It seems momentum is never ending at the moment, I guess I just need to go with the flow!

Thanks Sexpo for another enlightening experience.

Goodness only knows what July has in store!

By Women For Women

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Inspired by the camaraderie that the #metoo movement encouraged among women I decided to ask my clients, colleagues and courageous friends to collaborate with me on a book sharing their experiences of life.

I have been overwhelmed by the support in this new project so thank you to everyone who has submitted a piece already.

If you would like to be considered for the book I require a 200/300 word bio with photo and 500-3500 words on one or any combination of the following subjects.

Love

Loss

Relationships

Pregnancy

Sex

Sexual Objectification

Abuse

Advice

Our target audience is other women of similar ages to ourselves (30 years plus). However if just a handful of men read it and change an opinion or learn something new about women I believe we have done our job!

If you require more information please send me an email frankiebanks27@gmail.com

Timeless Evolution – Artist Residency

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Do you ever feel as if you are trying to evolve too quickly? Trying to pack so much into your day, your week, your life?  It’s obviously growth but also sometimes bloody exhausting!  Accepting more challenges and diving in head first even without knowing how deep the water is, would you call that faith or stupidity? I’ll go with faith, all be it blind! Accepting the artists residency with Sci-artist Ben Beeton was no exception to the rule, dive in head first, worry about how deep the water is later. It turns out it was a cool pool of azure calmness, quite the opposite to the intense heat that Queensland can sometimes offer!

The flight was delayed and so trying to take my mind of the impending fright of flying, I started to read my NLP book and found a fabulous diagram that I just had to rewrite in order to create some learning and positivity.  I am enjoying this book no end, I mean (change of language) I am enjoying this book immensely! I decided I would program myself into a positive state of mind and it worked. I could have flown that plane to Brisbane by the time we boarded, it was all going so well, until the descent.

Ben and I have tried on occasion to collaborate our creative passions but so far fell short so I was interested to see what we would be talking about this time and surely a collaboration would be so much easier when in the same state, literally!

Leaving the plane the beautiful warm air hit me and changed my mindset of ifs, buts and maybe’s.  Brisbane airport is full of happiness, bronzed bodies who have just wallowed in the sunshine or those who are returning to the warmth.  Off I went in search of The Withcott Hills, my creative residence for the next five days, excited to discover somewhere new.

My last visit to Brisbane had been a four day, 500 meter continuous loop from hotel to exhibition center (Sexpo) and so to finally see some of Brisbane’s surrounds quenched my thirst for this beautiful country. I still pinch myself that I can call Australia home!

It was dusk as I arrived to the top of a dark mountain with fairy lights illuminating the steps down to Ben’s house, I found a glass of wine was soon in hand whilst we sat in the fernery discussing our projects, past, present and future. Ben has so many ideas it will be interesting to see which of our collaborative projects becomes fruitful, we have at least two to go with so far which will be revealed in time.

I woke around 3am on my first night; always a sign I am raring to write! I decided to start work on a story I have wanted to write for a very long time; my childhood growing up in a sweet factory, I worked there in school holidays as it was our family business. My Grandad, in my opinion had the attitude from the Victorian era, children should be seen and not heard, or in my case children should be seen to work hard and not make any mistakes.  He softened later in life and I grew to admire him greatly but as a small child he scared the absolute crap out of me!  There were many great characters that worked there from huge burly men carrying ginormous basins of steaming hot glucose, to pretty girls in their stripey aprons wrapping rock, it wasn’t Charlie and the Chocolate factory, it was better because this was reality! I cannot wait to fictionalise my memories and embark on a new literary experience. By the time I left Brisbane all thirteen characters were talking to each other which is such a great psychological place for a writer, there are no thoughts just flow through your fingertips, words appearing in front of your eyes.

The next morning a wonderful walk through the bush land that surrounds the house was awesome, and the breeze that swept up the mountain kept us cool, for the most part! Ben explained that the water had carved out the rock and this was a Jurassic flood plain, Table Mountain (Queensland) had once been a functioning volcano. If a dinosaur had of crept past at any point I don’t think I would of blinked, it certainly looked like a habitat made for them, not us! Huge boulders, sheer cliff edges and forest as far as the eye could see.

I ate my dinner sitting on the deck looking straight out to the wilderness watching the flickering of the sun, bouncing shards of light sailing through the trees. Texts from my Mum in France were giving me great incites into our family business that of course I will try and thread through my new project isn’t it great when the family history book opens up?

I woke up at 7.00am on the 7th and was inspired to write about the love in my life.  Love is always at the forefront of my mind, from family and friends, my beautiful children, to the squeeze in my bed that lingers in my head.  Whilst I am beginning to accept that logic plays a big part in the world (especially when spending time with a scientist!)  whilst I am writing, here and full of love and fictional fancies my mind can be set free from the constraints that day to day life encourages.  It was astonishing then that realism and critic turned up and I was able to look at a personal situation through strong clear eyes, it wasn’t why I came here at all, inspiration for new projects was my reasoning.  However getting away really is what we all need on occasions when we feel like the decisions of adulthood are so hard to make we just want to hide under the covers. I think a place where any one going through a divorce has probably taken shelter but hey that really is another story!

I walked into town to grab a coffee, yes down this huge mountain and then back up, I scrambled over boulders, slide down a few and ended up in someone’s garden, luckily Queenslanders are extremely friendly folk and finding a sweaty Pom in their backyard seemed like no surprise at all. I decided to take the road after that! 

Hiking back up I realised there really are no mountains physically or mentally that we cannot overcome, we just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, which on the fourth day proved slightly more difficult when I chose lunch time to do my mountain walk. I still survived the boiling hot sun beating down on my back as I scaled the near vertical hillside, however a better choice to go earlier in the day would have been wiser.

And so here I am experiencing all of my emotions at full throttle, my love of writing and the constant flow;  the perfect way to write.  The inventiveness and discovery of a new self, some realism and clarity about my future.  An abundance of love for those closest to me and most importantly love for myself, happiness for where I am, physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

Ben thought that I was staying for another five days, goodness only knows what would happen then! Thank you so much Ben Beeton for enriching this girls life and creativity and for hosting my first residency.  Hopefully the first of many!

Ben Beeton can be found at any of the following websites and also in the middle of nowhere inspiring and creating.

Sciart Ben Beeton 

Ben Beeton’s Fine Art

Art Australis

Inside Out

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Like a lot of preconceptions, prison was completely different in reality. There were no steel bars and the view was beautiful from the manicured gardens.

The most visible differences from the world on the outside was the fact that these men all looked at their physical peak. Their exteriors were so well turned out.

Many of the men had girlfriends visiting but where were their dads, brothers and mates?  Is that the reason these men are here inside, there are no male role models for them? It seemed that could be the case.

Apparently the majority of prisoners do not even get visits so perhaps the gender of the visitor is in fact irrelevant, just knowing that someone cares should be enough? We all need a hand to hold no matter how strong we appear to be on the outside.

The correction centre had the disciplinary air of a school and yet these were grown men. You knew who was in charge and you certainly didn’t want to step out of line. There was also the obvious hierarchy amongst the prisoners which kept fear alive and eyes twitching.

For some this is just ‘fattening up for the next run’. There is no other way of life, no one to help them, no one that has penetrated their mental walls, nobody that has shown connection whilst they are on the inside.

What struck me most and I guess what we observe in everyday life is how lonely prison must be. But then so many of us choose to be lonely even when we are on the outside.

What I experienced was a tiny example of this walled society. A taste of the outside in or inside out!

Polyamory

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Disney has a lot to answer for in strengthening monogamous relationship ideals. Oh sure I’m lucky enough to have had a few princes that have swept me off my feet but now that I’m holding the reigns I’ve realised I do and have always seen relationships from rose tinted Disney glasses. Polyamory if I had ever thought of the word would mean infidelity and infidelity would generally be a man having an affair. How Unfair some of life’s old beliefs appear after a year at Sexpo!

I’ve always known what polygamy was but polyamory seems like a new and perhaps a more inclusive way to have more than one partner, i.e we’re not just talking about a man having more than one wife!

It’s certainly no new thing and I hate to wobble your halo but most of us have probably been a part of a polyamorous relationship even if we weren’t aware at the time! Many of us have loved more than one person at the same time and that by definition is polyamory. It actually isn’t about a hierarchy of love but simply loving more than one. You can also be single and polyamorous which perhaps is a more socially accepted norm.

Because of the new dating generation being so much more accessible by the click of a button or should I say swipe of a finger! Choice and abundance is open to all not just the gutsy guy who has the balls to ask for the first dance. Will my children enter into monogamous relationships? Should I even actually promote them as ‘normal’?

Do women inherently want to ‘settle down’ and become Cinderella? Or are the next generation more likely to be Snow White enjoying her seven dwarfs!

For a lot of polyamorous people the lifestyle is about independence, could this be the end to the rescuer, to the knight in shining white armour? My heart through those rose tinted glasses shouts ‘Noooooooo!’

My head heaves a sigh of relief ‘Phew!’ I can ride my own bloody horse, thank you very much!

A Weekend with Australia’s Hottest Pornstar

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I had the pleasure of spending last weekend with Madison Missina, we created a writing retreat at my house and with the rain pouring down outside she told her story, writing 54,000 words in just three days! We were both amazed at how easily it flowed. It was fantastic to spend time with this wonderful woman, to relax in each other’s company, to spill our fears and our fantasies.

When I first met Madison Missina it was November 2016, she was walking through Sexpo as the tour guide dressed like a mini Snow White (above) or that was my impression. (I believe the costume in question is actually something completely different I’ll have to ask her) But hey as a writer surely it’s all about perception? There was no denying her Beauty and charisma as she laughed, joked and informed the public about what Sexpo is all about.

Something pulls you in with Maddy and it’s not just her beauty, there is something in that soft questioning voice that makes you listen a little harder.

A lot of people don’t realise that Maddy is a qualified counsellor and her quest to unravel the human psyche was obvious as over the weekend she revealed the colourful knitted and knotted tapestry that is her life. Talking freely about the pain she has suffered, turning blame into lessons and lessons into laughter, her smile illuminated some of the darkest places imaginable.

On the last day her frown appeared and then the tears and yet the questioning voice still remained. Even more charismatic minus the makeup with not an ounce of vanity in sight Maddy was so willing to take up the challenge of vulnerability without having to prove a thing.

Even through the adversity Maddy remains able to question motive and mind with an honest smile, an admirable quality. I don’t think I will ever forget that weekend I fell in love with writing all over again and I just know there are many more projects for us to collaborate on Thanks MM!

And so now to the editing…

Confessions of Sexpo Melbourne 2017

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Sexpo The Truth

After every Sexpo I have written a confessions blog, this is not meant to shock but rather to normalise the subject of sex.  After all ignorance is definitely not bliss and knowledge is power, something that I have personally had to realise this year!

The first confession of Melbourne 2017 Sexpo was one of my own, to my children.  They had seen the build up to this amazing event, the flyers, the marketing and had started to ask questions, so I needed to be open and honest with them.  I explained that Sexpo is an exhibition surrounding the education of intimacy, relationships and our bodies.  I also explained that although I go to sell my book, for the most part I am talking and reassuring people that they are ‘normal’ whatever that is!  I told them both that their bodies and every function that they perform emotionally and physically is natural and wonderful. When I meet the wonderful patrons of Sexpo and we chat about our experiences, I have only ever been shocked about the amount of shame that we all carry around with us. I don’t want my children to feel shame, it’s such a useless waste of time almost as ridiculous as worry.

The first at my stand was Sam a wonderful Italian who although has lived in Aus for a very long time still had the nuances of a European.  He openly shared his experiences as a single man and his continued safety around women and couples that wanted to experiment with him. He was a joy, full of boyish charm and excitement at being so free to demonstrate his curiosity.

A wonderful Mexican guy came to talk to me with the most beautiful accent and looks similar to that of Rafael Nadal he explained how the girls he knew back home could never wear a skirt or dress in public as they would be harassed and maybe even assaulted. ‘It’s very safe here in Aus’ he said.

A man with Tourette’s syndrome was the next to chat, he was interested in the psychological stance I had used in Sharks & Lovers to discover different sides of me and similarly the characters.  He recommended some more pysch books for me to read which was awesome, I’m always looking for more inspiration.

The next guy resembled a character I always come across; his wife had recently died and ‘she was very proper’.  He explained that he wasn’t very experienced and he bought my book in hope of some insights into another life. I do hope it delivers and I look forward to his response.

I can’t write this without mentioning the wonderful woman from my previous blog who came to me with such a warm smile.  She bought her first vibrators this weekend after my encouragement!  Having lost her husband a few years previously and before that having suffered an assault she withdrew from intimacy. We talked for a long time about control and abuse but mainly our shared philosophy that we are all in charge of our own happiness, by the end we embraced having shared our stories so honestly and openly.

These are the moments you just cannot replicate outside of Sexpo.

A great girl came up and grabbed Sharks & Lovers and gave it to her sister, ‘You’re reading this!’ she said.  Her sister was off to London for Christmas and I’m sure she will enjoy some of the places that I explain in the book and hopefully she will get to visit them too!

The exhibitors were a delight as always and the wonderful Pricasso painted my portrait in exchange for my book, promising me we will start his memoir next year, I will keep him to that!

I can’t list everyone I talk to but I do know that all the conversations at Sexpo are creating intimate and inspiring connections.

So until Sydney mid ’18 or maybe closer depending on dates for the U.K and U.S, it will be an exciting year that’s for definite!

Stay tooned folks!!!

Xx

Unnecessary Humiliation 

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Whilst revisiting Jung’s book Dreams, Memories, Reflections on holiday by the Murray River I stumbled across his remark of ‘unnecessary humiliation’ as Jung explored his anima and listened to a new voice. 

‘It is perfectly true that I have thought or felt this way at some time or other, but I don’t have to think or feel that way now. I need not accept this banality of mine in perpetuity; that is an unnecessary humiliation’

Reading this passage made me realise how many times I have unnecessary humiliated myself in my head. How many times do we revisit an experience with old emotions and not the new self that have grown to become? 

Jung has always been my hero because he documented his open heart and soul as well as his psyche and encourages us to do the same. You might not agree with some of his theories and philosophies but surely his open and honest attitude to life bares no greater guidance.