Australia

How do you Worry?

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Worry is a strange word and something we have all done at some point. Worrying about things we can’t control is completely useless and yet we all do it.

Worry for me starts in my tummy, a knot of what if? My brain is then drawn in with a slight jerk of, What if what? Most of the time I have to remind myself what I’m worrying about, my brain talking to my tummy as if it was a child always asking Why? But in this case it’s What if?

What if what? Who cares? Why do you always ask this? Just settle down! Stop worrying! My brain tells the troubled tummy but my tummy doesn’t have ears, it only has emotion. Occasionally the amazing happens and my tummy tells my brain It’s ok right now there is nothing to worry about. That is a lovely sense of freedom and strength and yet it is only a perspective.

Of course I could always find something to worry about in this world that is far beyond my control and most of the time I do. Is that emotion useful? Probably not! Am I actually going to change any outcomes from worrying about a situation? Probably not. Thinking and brainstorming and writing things down to order them from the jumble in my brain perhaps can help but worrying or ‘stressing’ is not useful to me. I know this and yet my stomach does knot!

Gavin and Stacey and the less funny Covid Conversations

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‘I haven’t looked at the death toll today!’ I exclaimed, a conversation I had a couple of months ago with my brother. We compared covid statistics him in England and I in Australia these abhorrent words came out of my mouth. Yuk! ‘There’s still a lot of cases over here but not so many dying’ my brother replied.

My brother and I talk once a week on FaceTime and obviously over the last 2 years the conversation has revolved around binge worthy shows like Gavin & Stacey and the less funny Covid statistics. I’m not sure what I would have done through lockdown without Gav n Stace let alone Nessa! Sorry Smithy you might have stolen the late late show now but back in the day you really weren’t the main man!

I’m not gonna lie Death tolls, vaccination rates and protests are not normal conversations but ones we seem to be having constantly. No wonder so many are struggling with their mental health. Whilst the uber rich have continued to fly in and out of Australia to visit their friends in Byron Bay. Now even tennis players are fighting for their right to get into Australia, unvaccinated whilst so many have not been able to see their loved ones and hold their hand for the last time. Sling your hook Novak!

When all said and done it’s just not human nature to be locked up for months on end. Institutionalised, becoming hyper reactive to everyday norms that you would normally laugh. We all just need a Kutch!

Whats Occurring? Our kids will be the ones who will remember this time in history as a large part of their development or underdevelopment as many have lost 2 years of progressive schooling, let alone progressing their social skills. Some kids have thrived at home with less distractions in class but those who need interactive learning have suffered the loss of community encouragement. We have All suffered the loss of community.

As my kids return to school and they test twice a week sticking cotton buds up their nose and twisting it I smile at them with empathetic eyes. Internally however I’m shaking my head I can’t help my internal dialogue of Nessa and her brash way of putting things Oh my Christ!

If only Dave Coaches was here to reply! ‘Well sugar tits, I haven’t a Scooby!’

Thank goodness for I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! Escapism is always a good alternative.

The Adult At The Gate

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It was a normal pick up from school, I was as usual listening to the music in the car and then unusually I was masked, standing my restricted distance from the school, the gate and any other human! I noticed my daughter was walking quickly and when we got inside the car I expected the usual tirade about annoying boys, which happened, I listened and we laughed, then sang along to Pink.

The next day on the way to school it all came out; ‘there was a man at the school gate yesterday and he was smiling at me, he didn’t take his eyes off me and made me feel uncomfortable.’

‘he didn’t take his eyes off me and made me feel uncomfortable’ This made my stomach tighten and my eyes sharpen as we pulled up to the school. Any 10 year old uttering those words needs to be heard. I told her that her gut feeling was right and that is what to listen to. She got out of the car and I walked her to the gate, a lioness protecting her cub. I told her I would get there early tonight and would keep an eye out.

The most terrifying thing about this in my mind after alerting the school was the sinking knowledge that this was another parent. There was very little to be done. I kept the communication open with my daughter and watched her closely. For the next week the deputy head walked up and down the gate as the children left waving and smiling at me and I wondered how many times this had happened before. It didn’t happen again.

For those who think that this wouldn’t happen at ‘their school’ or to ‘their children, and it only happens to others, wake up! As women we know when someone makes us feel uncomfortable whether we are 10 or 85.

My family live in a wonderful community in beautiful sunny Melbourne but we still need to be wary and alert.

One in four children has an abuser at arms length! Unfortunately they don’t look like monsters, have horns or fangs. They are just like you and me, they can be kind, happy and loving but they can also be the terrible change in your child’s innocent life.

Over 45% of females have been abused by the time they turn 18 and that figure is just the reported cases. I believe the figures are similar for males.

Be aware, Be Safe and most importantly as a parent be approachable to your children about every subject even the difficult ones. There’s some interesting information below.

https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/practical-ways-to-talk-to-kids-about-strangers/.

Existence, Consciousness, Bliss

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Recently, whilst I was knee deep wading through the muddy research of Family Violence this mantra reappeared in my head; Existence, Consciousness, Bliss.

I’ve heard this saying on a few occasions over the years and it has never really resonated with me until recently. Deepak Chopra guided me through Melbourne’s lockdowns with his abundance meditation, a new learning each day and on one of the days this was the mantra; Existence, Consciousness, Bliss. Sat Chit Ananda.

I wrote the mantra on our white board, a reminder that I was growing and that there would be bliss at some point, right now though I had to be conscious! Family Violence was a messy topic to delve into but unfortunately just like drugs and alcohol, family violence plays a huge role in the justice system! One of our lecturers a stern and stoic police sergeant told us that nearly 60-70 percent of crime is Domestic Family Violence related!

It’s true, for the last six Monday’s I’ve studied Murder and Manslaughter and whilst I’m amazed at the short sentences and lack of rehabilitation I’m also disgusted at the lack of victim survivor and family support. It’s true most of the cases I’ve read are FV related. It was shocking at first, now it’s just facts that are overwhelmingly dark; 1 woman killed every week in Australia, most of whom have gone through the courts and taken out an Intervention Order but unfortunately the ‘innocent until proven guilty’ golden thread has stuck fast. Where is the silver lining for the victims? For the perpetrator there is a place of safety in this golden thread but for the victims they have to continue to push the wheelbarrow of evidence up the hill of untrusting public scrutiny only to find they are alone and vulnerable. This is Justice apparently, this is conscious existence but certainly not bliss.

Existence is a place we have all felt, covid lockdown is a place of existence, lockdown can seem like living or consciousness has been eliminated. A prison like perception as many of our freedoms are withdrawn and we retreat into our caves. Many of us not wanting to turn on the news with the realisation that so much of it is fake and that our voices are being censored and ignored.

However the less time we spend in Consciousness the more difficult a place it becomes to inhabit. When being conscious of the world and all of the social struggles that society face, it can be easy to retreat again. However being aware and not hiding in a bubble of materialism, lies or absorption can become enlightening. Can bring Bliss.

Justice is a complex subject which encompasses so many elements, so many unconscious acts of existence. If only bliss was more prevalent for more people, if only people were more conscious of their actions.

Existing is to conform to all of our primitive conditioning, no striving, Just acceptance. Let’s not just accept, be conscious enough to let go and bathe in the bliss that surrounds us all.

Bliss is love and love conquers all. If only we were aware enough to notice! It’s difficult to feel love All of the time. Seeing is believing and we can find glimpses of it in the people around us, in the beautiful sky, ocean and flowers that mirror us, it’s there if our eyes and hearts are open.

 

 

Single Parents

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As a single parent I thought I would join a single parents online group to see how others cope with going it alone! I was looking for support as most of my friends are married or living with new partners (tried that didn’t work, Kathryn Ryan is right, I love dolphins but I don’t want to live with one of those either!).

After a couple of weeks in the group I’d followed a few threads about meeting up via zoom, which never fell on the days I don’t have the kids so that didn’t work. I didn’t want to talk about strategy or vulnerabilities in front of my troops!

I followed threads and commented a bit but something wasn’t quite fitting. I was seeing posts from proud dads with their sons woodwork project. Photos of Mums in the park with their kids. Then there were the other photos, the roast dinner, bottle of wine and fire in the background and the ‘new selfie’ with her off the shoulder jumper.

All of a sudden it dawned on me, is this a ‘Single‘ parents group or a single ‘Parents’ group? It seemed some of us were looking for very different kinds of comfort. I told my manfriend that I had joined the group. His reaction was hard to read. I am a single parent doing this on my own I’m just looking for like minded parents. It’s not like I was window shopping on tinder, that’s so last year and hello, Covid alert!

A week later the group name changed to Single Mums & Dads. Well that didn’t clarify anything for me, I thought I’d message someone on there and see what they thought. Well the reply of photo half naked in a hot tub was self explanatory, he should of been on tinder and I should have read between the lines!

Seven Years In Australia

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After seven years in Australia I thought I’d write a little list of sometimes silly observations that you might not know about Awesome Australia.

1. Ducks sit sixty feet up in gum trees. Or in people’s pools.

2. Fairdinkum is overheard more than you would think. In fact my brother heard it on his first week in Aus. I think it’s a polite way of saying wtf! Every foreigner melts when we hear it in real life having grown up with our ‘Neighbours’.

3. Afternoon tea is a daily occurrence and if you have kids at school you will be invited to have ‘afternoon tea’ which is basically a play date. When first invited I thought my pal was taking the piss out of me being English. Morning tea is also a thing.

4. Snakes are even in the suburbs and sightings on the local fb groups are often posted. In fact one yesterday was seen at the reserve where I walk my dog. I reckon if you stay away from them, they stay away from you! Walk with purpose!

5. Poisonous spiders are also everywhere, however as they don’t kill you, you get used to them. At my place they live in the log pile, red backs. Even the huge huntsman you start to name as they stay in your house for the rainy days, they can be as big as your hand but like all these things, they are generally more scared of you.

6. Kookaburra’s do sit on the telephone wire but also sound like monkeys at night as they cackle together.

7. Shark sightings are also posted on local fb groups, not many in Melbourne, only a few in the last seven years. Lots of dolphins that I’ve seen though!

8. Driving is very different. No one gives way if you are coming out of a junction and turning right.  Also Right turns at traffic lights sometimes require you to hover in the middle of the oncoming traffic until you can go.

9. Supermarkets pack your shopping for you, yes even if you take your own bags. (Apart from Aldi).

10. ALL schools require fees.

11. To say Australian women wear the trousers is an understatement but it’s great to see!

12. There are local tv adverts which are hilarious.

13. Snow season is June-August in Victoria and requires a trip to the Alpine regions. You drive to the top of huge mountains with black fire burnt gum trees covered in snow, it’s an unusual sight.

14. Everyone knows someone who has escaped a bush fire. The 2020 fires in Victoria where the worst I’ve seen.  Thank goodness for the CFA who are volunteer based! I also know a guy who escaped Black Sunday his story is amazing, perhaps another blog!

15. The highest temperature I’ve recorded here is 52 degrees C, aircon on and don’t go outside!

16. Drinks in pubs are far more expensive in Australia than the UK and many restaurants are BYO.

17. A Dr’s appointment is about $40. If you don’t have ambulance cover (which most people do) an ambulance call out is around $3k.

18. When going for a bbq at a friends take a plate of food and bringing your own esky full of ‘grog’ is a common occurrence.

19. Having a glass of wine in the park whilst the kids play is also very acceptable.

20. There are two kinds of crazy winds that we experience in Victoria, the arctic blasts which chill you to the bone in winter and the hot North winds coming down from the red centre that make you melt in summer.

Well I think that’s about it until next time, if you have any questions about Awesome Australia please drop me a line frankiebanks27@gmail.com

To read about my other experiences in Australia please click on and read from these posts…Fifth Christmas in Australia, The Lucky Country, A day at The Victoria State Library, Kakadu (Gagudju) National Park, Darwin Flight, Skinny Dip

The Last Hour of Sexpo

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In the thirteenth hour at 11.45pm I am asked ‘What is your book really about? I’m interested in the psychology’ this wonderful Russian man enveloped me with his deep brown eyes. Sexpo can sometimes be an astounding assault on the senses with music coming at you from all directions, semi-naked people jiggling around all over the place so making eye contact can be the most important connection, well isn’t it always?

Immediately I was brought back to the whole reason I write because of Jung, because of Self, Persona, Anima, Ego and Shadow and so I explained as he nodded in agreement.

‘I knew it, I knew this was deep’ he said, ‘people think clever is up here’ he says pointing to his head. ‘But clever is to feel how can you know something unless you feel it’ .

Well that certainly won my 85% emotional self! It was great to be brought back to the heart of my writing. I have struggled with my emotional self this last year as a single Mum trying hard to ignite my logical thinking and leave emotional ‘Mummy’ on the doorstep.  Having the luxury of diving back into my creativity was simply divine.

I met some fantastic people sitting opposite the laporium, watching the ‘Sharks’ inviting the ‘Lovers’ into their lair. My ‘Write Your Book In A Weekend’ seminar drew passionate professionals to me in a focused group realising their dreams of driving better sex education, initiating intimacy and sharing stories of abuse. All shedding light on what perhaps has been their dark.

Meeting two beautifully brave men was a highlight as they told me about their prostate cancer which resulted in zero sex life, a sobering yet inspiring moment. ‘I told him about it, told him what to watch out for and then a few months later he had it too!’ Wow they really were friends for life! ‘He still has a wife!’ he told me as his friend shook his head and the frustration built from his toes to his ears. ‘It’s difficult’

The ‘Yoni’ wave of self love was in full swing and it was great to witness women teaching women about self pleasure, self love and happiness enriching the Sexpo conversation.

I left Sydney Sexpo realising my creative self had been neglected of late. I need to get stuck into producing my third book and finishing my fourth.

Within a couple of weeks of returning home I met with Dennis Jones to discuss International Book Distribution and received the most beautiful bouquet and champagne from my fabulous client Glen Coutinho!  It seems momentum is never ending at the moment, I guess I just need to go with the flow!

Thanks Sexpo for another enlightening experience.

Goodness only knows what July has in store!

Sharks & Lovers -Download Book Two For Free 

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Free Download of Sharks & Lovers

For One Week Only Download Sharks & Lovers Australia For Free Here

In a few weeks I will be heading to Brisbane to talk and promote my books at Sexpo 2017. I’m so excited!  In celebration of this I wanted to share Sharks & Lovers Australia on my site for free!

Set in the beautiful Bayside suburb of Melbourne and the remote Kakadu National Park  adventures of the heart for Tabatha and Stacey hit the red dust.

Feel free to download it in the above link and share it with your friends and lovers. Enjoy!

The Second Book

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Oh the second book is so much better! I am even enjoying the edit. Don’t get me wrong the first book is good but as someone once told me, ‘the first book is just getting rid of the emotion, the second is where the magic begins!’  That was great advice,  I would love to post some of it on here. However I’m still hoping for a publishing deal so I need to keep my cards close to my chest, for now!

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The Lucky Country

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Occasionally when you open a book it gets you. It grabs your shirt collar and pulls you in, sliding into its pages the words falling around you in waves. This is not reading, this is an easy swim through someone’s mind who shares your ideas, your expectations and your dreams. Someone who sees life with eyes like yours, who has the same ideals and who has struggled up and over the same mountains. The writer knows you and when they wrote the book they were writing it for you. It’s a personal letter not a book of thousands of words. It’s a personal letter of such meaning it can bring you to tears or tug at the rage you once felt. It makes you smile all the way up to your eyes and drags your frown down to your chin.

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