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Aging

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This quote about aging came to me yesterday on good old facebook and after a morning on my cross-trainer and realising I’m definitely not as young as I used to be (obviously). I was wondering how I got to 45 when 40 seemed only a few years ago and then I remembered good Ol’ lockdown was in the middle for two years.

I am however enjoying the aging process; my tummy might be slightly bigger than it was twenty years ago but so are my boobs! There’s always a silver lining. My frown lines might be a little deeper but so are my thoughts and kindness towards others. I have an understanding and much more empathy for my fellow human than I did in my twenties.  I have a lot less questions now also which brings more happiness, my laughter lines are pretty permanent however the smile that precedes is never far away and always willing to give.

Aging is an extraordinary process, and we are privileged to experience it.

Too Much Love

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Watching my daughter play tennis is such a rewarding experience as it would be for any parent, surely? The love just swells in my heart to see her enjoy the game.

Even when my kids are not the most competent watching them ‘have a go’ is inspiring. The ‘you never know, have a go’ mentality of Australia is one of my favourite things about living in Aus!

So, when another child’s parent started clapping at my girls mistakes the fierce mumma bear reared her angry head. Maybe this parent did not know the etiquette of tennis and that you clap at points won not lost? In my English way I glared in the direction of the other mother, the glare gone unseen by her but not the other parents.

At two games all the clapping was becoming annoying to even my levelheaded daughter who I could see an Andy Murray esq muttering under her breath as she prepared to serve, the morning sun beating down on the clay court exacerbating the heated game.

‘I kept muttering what’s all the clapping about? You clap at the end of a game not every point!’ she later confided in the car.

‘Yes, it must of been very distracting and was quite rude really’ I replied. ‘It certainly didn’t help her son win did it?’

‘Did you see that he came off crying, I think she put too much pressure on him’ she replied.  I hadn’t seen that and felt sorry that this child we did not know was made to feel like he had done anything wrong.

My girl won 6-3. She walked the length of the court to touch rackets and say well done (handshaking since covid now a thing of the past). Unfortunately, her opponent threw his racket to the ground. Ignoring his tantrum, she persistently made eye contact with him and said, ‘You played really well’ to no response.

I was proud of my daughter not because she won but because of her humility in her actions.

Later whilst watching Enola Holmes together on the sofa, I said ‘maybe that parent felt the pressure of being the away team and not in her own surroundings!?’

‘You have too much love Mum she just shouldn’t of behaved like that!’

I think back to my first experience of tennis, watching Wimbledon on tv with my Nan. What would her reaction have been to this parents’ actions; she would of tutted for sure! Whatever happened to tutting? It must be a generational thing; I haven’t heard anyone tut at something for years! Another passive aggressive way of showing emotion, slightly more acceptable than clapping at someone’s mistakes, I wonder?

Reading Returned

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Reading a passion returned

One good thing that came out of the covid 19 lockdown was my passion for reading returned! Mentors by Russell Brand was an interesting book, I know we all need mentors in our life but not many people actively seek them out, most of the time they occur by accident, not intention. This story of mentors and mentoring was inspiring, from his therapists through to teachers and trainers. I wonder if he had not been an addict, admitted to being an addict or received help, would he had discovered mentors at all? The quote stuck with me and was my takeaway from the book;

“We are first a parent to ourselves”

Brand was questioning what right did he have to be a parent or mentor to a tiny human when he had not mentored or parented himself very well. A great question that perhaps many of us should ask! However would the human race survive if any of us were truthful with the answer? Self care is now a hot topic but 50 years ago did it go by another name or simply not exist? Through mentoring we can realise our own strengths and weaknesses and hopefully develop ourselves and others. Everyone has something to offer by way of advice and lessons learnt, if advice is sought surely it is a human responsibility to mentor.

A Room of One’s Own – Virginia Woolfe

Having owned a hard copy of this book for about 10 years I have picked it up four or five times to read without success. I knew it was a book that as a woman I should read but every time I started it overwhelmed me; I didn’t understand what Virginia Woolfe was trying to say!

Listening was easier; the narrator was an actress from many period dramas  and it was as if Virginia Woolf herself was in the room. This is not a work of fiction or memoir, I realised; this is an essay! Finally it clicked I could hear the words for what they were, researched opinion.

It was funny, insightful with strong feminist views that I enjoyed hearing. It made me proud to be a woman and want to write more compelling stories myself.  I have also read two more essay style memoirs; Phosphorescence by Julia Baird and The Moment of Lift by Melinda Gates both definitely worth a read for any women needing a powerful pick me up.

The Barefoot investor – Scott Pape

Well this was a relief; I realised I was doing a lot of things right with my finances. Amazingly it made me realise how happy I am and also how to plan more effectively for my future. I thoroughly recommend this book to anyone wanting to save or increase their wealth. Don’t make the mistake of thinking it is only for the wealthy!

What are you listening to?

 

Responsible Control

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Fate vs Free Will

Can we split the whole world into two camps? Those who think they are responsible and in control for the things that happen to them and those who believe it’s all just luck. Is the answer to all of life’s psychological games simply the question, do you take responsibility? Fate vs free will.

As much as we do take responsibility we know there is a certain degree of luck that is required in this life. What if you sat back more and let things just happen, would the result be the same? Those who strive and take pride in their work and relationships will succeed more often than those who just let life unfold, surely?

Control

‘I can only control my thoughts and my actions’

Responsibilities are sometimes weighty and can feel like a lot of pressure but also a pride can be taken in them.  Personally I have a love/hate relationship with control. Freedom to me is running through a field of tall grass, booking a plane ticket on a whim, basically doing the opposite of what is expected. Well that’s not very responsible is it! Is that why it feels so good?

The way our conditioning controls us and holds us responsible is sometimes the weight of power that determines our actions. There’s no room for dreams in responsible land. But what if being responsible enables dreams, buying that house enables you to buy another house and eventually live in your ‘dream’ home.  Going to school enables your dreams to come true, to work in a city, to get the big shot job that enables you to live by the beach and surf every weekend.

Some people take responsibility too seriously and some seem to have spent their whole life without it ever even brushing past them, never even stood close enough to feel its heavy breath. Perhaps though that is just a perception and they are the swans whose skinny legs are frantically taking responsibility for the enormous weight they feel at sea level.

Behind Closed Doors

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Persona

It seems many of us have spent the last ten years creating the most fabulous Facebook personality, the ever positive, always looking on the bright side, never swaying from sanity persona but now we are faced with the real us! Are we the conspiracy theorist, the placid follower or the rebellious vigilante? Are we the next self help guru trying hard to believe our own scripts?

The real life version of our selves has started to reveal itself on social media as we grapple with the global pandemic. It’s interesting to see the shift in persona. Who we are when we’re at home behind closed doors, when the camera is off, the light isn’t hiding the double chin and our eyes aren’t focused in exactly the right direction.  Suddenly this person seems to be visible, this version has uncloaked itself for all to see.

Being house bound during lock down means not dressing up for work and not making our face perfect. So who are you when you are stripped down to your baggy tracksuit, pj’s, dressing gown or jeans n T? For most of us we are the same but maybe with more shadow than light, more critic and less forgiveness. This person also has an opinion, a voice and a public face. Although it might not be the one we all want and hope to see or portray.

Introvert vs Extrovert

 Are these ‘extroverts’ the angry protesters? Or are these extroverts simply introverting the anger of nations until it eventually explodes? We all have an extrovert in us, the one that is all over social media where no real exchange can be given.

The Introvert, one may presume self isolation is more suited, someone who actually enjoys their own company enough to feel energised by it. However presumably this time by themselves means on their own, not surrounded by all the other people in the house self isolating with them!

Extrovert is not necessarily the life and soul of the party but just someone who energises themselves with other people’s company. There is no wrong or right and we all change on a daily basis how introverted or extrovert we feel. Right now neither are probably getting the right degree of energy! Both equally frustrated.

The Self

Whilst we may be stripped back to bare all with no material influences at the moment perhaps that is a good thing.  The blossom tree can be just as beautiful in the winter months, the closed flower as enticing. Perhaps the persona and ego don’t mind taking a back seat once in a while.  Maybe we are realising there is so much more to life than social media and creating a false reality, the self is actually far more interesting!

Abundance Meditation

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Reflection

Three weeks ago I started The Deepak Chopra 21 Day Abundance Meditation course, I was invited by an acquaintance on a Facebook ‘single parents’ group, (definitely a subject for another post). The previous day I had started to go through the shed, so much of my personal belongings were put out into storage whilst we Airbnb’d the house last year. It was time to reacquaint myself with treasures of the past.  I found my jewellery box that my Nan bought me when I was a child.  The inscription in the mirror read ‘Treasure the Beauty That Surrounds Us’. 

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Dystopian Utopia

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Dystopian Society

How did we slip into this dystopian society so quickly? The global catastrophe that is Covid 19 has literally taken a hold on the world. The beginning of 2020 looked very different.  Freedom reigned most of the worlds societies, or at least a perception of freedom.  We could all eat together, drink together and swim together was this Utopia? Did we spend so much time writing and imagining a dystopian society that we created it? George Orwell, Margaret Atwood, H.G Wells et al did such a great job but this is not fiction.

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Seven Years In Australia

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After seven years in Australia I thought I’d write a little list of sometimes silly observations that you might not know about Awesome Australia.

1. Ducks sit sixty feet up in gum trees. Or in people’s pools.

2. Fairdinkum is overheard more than you would think. In fact my brother heard it on his first week in Aus. I think it’s a polite way of saying wtf! Every foreigner melts when we hear it in real life having grown up with our ‘Neighbours’.

3. Afternoon tea is a daily occurrence and if you have kids at school you will be invited to have ‘afternoon tea’ which is basically a play date. When first invited I thought my pal was taking the piss out of me being English. Morning tea is also a thing.

4. Snakes are even in the suburbs and sightings on the local fb groups are often posted. In fact one yesterday was seen at the reserve where I walk my dog. I reckon if you stay away from them, they stay away from you! Walk with purpose!

5. Poisonous spiders are also everywhere, however as they don’t kill you, you get used to them. At my place they live in the log pile, red backs. Even the huge huntsman you start to name as they stay in your house for the rainy days, they can be as big as your hand but like all these things, they are generally more scared of you.

6. Kookaburra’s do sit on the telephone wire but also sound like monkeys at night as they cackle together.

7. Shark sightings are also posted on local fb groups, not many in Melbourne, only a few in the last seven years. Lots of dolphins that I’ve seen though!

8. Driving is very different. No one gives way if you are coming out of a junction and turning right.  Also Right turns at traffic lights sometimes require you to hover in the middle of the oncoming traffic until you can go.

9. Supermarkets pack your shopping for you, yes even if you take your own bags. (Apart from Aldi).

10. ALL schools require fees.

11. To say Australian women wear the trousers is an understatement but it’s great to see!

12. There are local tv adverts which are hilarious.

13. Snow season is June-August in Victoria and requires a trip to the Alpine regions. You drive to the top of huge mountains with black fire burnt gum trees covered in snow, it’s an unusual sight.

14. Everyone knows someone who has escaped a bush fire. The 2020 fires in Victoria where the worst I’ve seen.  Thank goodness for the CFA who are volunteer based! I also know a guy who escaped Black Sunday his story is amazing, perhaps another blog!

15. The highest temperature I’ve recorded here is 52 degrees C, aircon on and don’t go outside!

16. Drinks in pubs are far more expensive in Australia than the UK and many restaurants are BYO.

17. A Dr’s appointment is about $40. If you don’t have ambulance cover (which most people do) an ambulance call out is around $3k.

18. When going for a bbq at a friends take a plate of food and bringing your own esky full of ‘grog’ is a common occurrence.

19. Having a glass of wine in the park whilst the kids play is also very acceptable.

20. There are two kinds of crazy winds that we experience in Victoria, the arctic blasts which chill you to the bone in winter and the hot North winds coming down from the red centre that make you melt in summer.

Well I think that’s about it until next time, if you have any questions about Awesome Australia please drop me a line frankiebanks27@gmail.com

To read about my other experiences in Australia please click on and read from these posts…Fifth Christmas in Australia, The Lucky Country, A day at The Victoria State Library, Kakadu (Gagudju) National Park, Darwin Flight, Skinny Dip

Fifth Christmas in Australia

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So what’s new?

The huntsman don’t worry us and the children now name them. Critters are part of life.

The kids are more relaxed, both concentrating on their skills and strengths. Reading is a pleasure not a race.

I don’t care what the neighbours do or think…in fact your opinion of me is none of my business!

My perspective on life is so open and free nothing surprises me.

The expanse of Australia and its relative isolation from the world gives many inhabitants a freedom.

Things I miss from the uk;

Family, friends & a pub.

However there is Skype and my veranda is the best pub in the world!

The Dark Side

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Surely we all have a dark side?

No I disagree, I refuse to believe this! There are experiences which we label as dark.  We can hide these away within ourselves, call them pain and build on them. What we are really doing is hiding what that dark actually is maybe it’s lonliness or anger, grief or distrust. Maybe it’s ALOT of these things rolled up together. Dark is easy, dark started as light.

If we call it pain we can rely on it when we need a hill to climb or a barrier to build or a dark place to hide. It is our reliable dark but how would we know it is dark if we had not experienced light? Now it is dark we can forget what it actually was and what its true meaning is and that we existed quite happily without it.

However no longer is this a small pain or a tiny dark because we have wrapped every bad experience around it.  Now it is a huge snowball of worries, stories and negatives.

What if getting rid of this was as easy as bursting a balloon? But maybe you don’t want to, you have relied on this for a very long time, it is part of you, it is always there when you need it. Why would you want to get rid of it?   You might have to admit to this pain and you might have to be slightly more specific about what this means to you. Once you have done that the weight will start to lift. The pain will dissolve, why?  Because you are being honest with the most important person in the world….YOU.

‘Turn the light on!’ Someone once told me. It really is that simple.

My novel is available below to download

Amazon

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iTunes

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